Stooptime

Comedy Clubs

2011-12-13T14:34:00.003-05:00

My boo and I have a date tonight. He told me to plan it. He probably told me to plan it because I hate making decisions. My little brother told him to start making me make decisions so I could get better at it. I don't like this whole collusion thing they have going on...

So, this is what he gets - a date at open mic night. I've never been before and it is something new. And they have a hummus platter and guacamole, so there's my dinner. Couldn't be more excited about that.

Now, I'm a little nervous. Comedians can be mean sometimes, and I've seen on TV, they pick someone out of the crowd to poke fun at. So help me God, if I start getting picked on while shoveling guacamole in my mouth and I drop some on my shirt, tomatoes flying will be the least of that comedian's problem.

However, I did think of a great comeback if the comedian says something like "Oh hey, look at those two on a date. On a date where they don't have to talk to each other. What a great relationship."

I'm going to respond in kind "yea, so what if we don't like talking. And I beat him in public and he beats me in private. That way it's socially acceptable, I mean, we must have a pretty good thing going on since so far we haven't gotten arrested. Overall, we're pretty happy." Deadpan and straight face.

The only person who will probably be laughing is my boo, who knows that quite often we illicit strange looks from people walking down the street because I'm deadpanning some joke while he "seriously" threatens me bodily harm.

Yea, someone call 9-1-1. Shawty fire burning on the dance floor. Oh, and these people are about to beat each other up.

(Chalk this one up to a badly told story. My next post will be about how I'm listening to podcasts of storytelling in order to get better at it.........)

The Art of Letterwriting

2011-11-29T15:59:00.001-05:00

I've always been a fan of handwriting, fonts, and word design. I love books and prints and artistically displayed quotes. Since elementary school, most of my doodles were letters shaped in different ways, copying other people's handwriting and forming new ways to display my print or cursive.

I've also always been a fan of card making and writing. How exciting is it to get a piece of mail that isn't a bill or advertisement?! I love connecting with people through the mail and knowing they smiled a little bit when they opened a handmade card. Sometimes, it can mean the difference between a horrible and awesome day.

Recently, I opened an Etsy shop! I make cards for fun and figured, why not sell them? While I have yet to make a sale, I did get a chance to send out one of the cards to an old friend from college who I haven't seen in ages. The correspondence we had was brilliant and when I got a card back from her, I was so excited. It made me happy to know she was just as excited to get something from me. I can't wait to send her another one.

So, here's to the art of letterwriting, to the look of pen on paper, not of Helvetica or Calibri or Times New Roman on a screen. Here's to making random new friends who won't take your address and try to come murder you (let's face it, if they wanted to do that, they'd just Google you). Here's to making someone smile, and getting a smile back yourself.

Email me at andi.looney@gmail.com and I'll send you a special card, just for you. Let's revive an almost lost art, and help the post office make a few cents at the same time.

"You are a strange bird"

2011-11-15T16:31:00.001-05:00

If I had a nickel...

Do you ever put a really funny status in gchat, like "Maybe boys would like me if I was as pretty as my cat" and then wonder if the people who are in your list because you worked with them on a group project in college like, four years ago, think your status is real and not a joke?

And then...
Sim: I always enjoy your gchat statuses

me: haha good!

i was like "hmm, i have a lot of ppl on here i don't talk to very often, i wonder if they can see me. ohhhh i wonder if they think my statuses are serious?"

Sim: hahaha thatd be funny if they chatted u and were like "omg dont say that!"

YES. Success.

See today, I read Ashley's blog. She won my heart with this sentence: "And it’s something of a shock to find people I can spend endless hours with and not think, “Well, this is fun, but I would like to be alone now.” Because her paragraph about herself being weird totally resonated my feelings about myself.

Then, I read Caragh's blog and saw a link to ErinGrace's blog. And I just want to get all of these people (plus Liz) in the same room so we can play with my cat. And then I can tell them all about how I was walking to Wawa while talking to my Dad on the phone and when I got there I saw my bf's roommate, Dave. And I said hi but I was still on the phone. And then I started ordering my sandwich, but this asshat got all up in my personal space trying to talk to the Wawa sandwich maker people, and then as soon as I hung up Dave came up to talk to me and I was still ordering my sandwich but was confused when it said I was done so I ended up really awkwardly ending the conversation with Dave by taking my receipt and running to the other side of the store. And that's how I ended up with a plain cheese hoagie. Which is not at all what I wanted. But it had cheese and bread on it. So I was still pretty happy.

And everyone would just nod and none of them would call me weird. We'd order a pizza and wine and keep playing with the cat. Possibly showing her bird videos on YouTube so she kept hanging around us.

Because, come on, she's really freaking cute.

Sometimes the world just looks grey

2011-11-14T09:39:00.001-05:00

Today is one of those days that I just want to turn around, go back home, crawl into my bed, and pretend like I'm still a little kid who can sleep in until noon and get up to watch cartoons. The biggest worry in the world is whether or not it will be nice outside so I can play, or whether or not my mom will cut my sandwich diagonally instead of horizontally.

Last night I was having a lot of anxiety. I told myself to knock it off. After all, life is okay right now. But I have so many doubts about the future. Especially career and money-wise. Student loans are going to be due soon, and while I could put them off for another year, I don't know if accumulating the extra interest is worth it. I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of horror story about growing up, like no one prepared me for how difficult it would be. Everything has its pros and cons. I used to think that once I was married with a kid and a house that I'd never have to worry again. I'd have love, a family, a house, food, and a future. Eventually I'd grow old and have grandkids and would be able to sit out on the porch every night on a bench swing without a care in the world.

But lately reality set in. I'm still far away from growing up. And no matter what, relationships are hard work. Stuff is always going to go wrong. I'm still going to have to work on growing up. That part where life gets easy never really happens, and sometimes that scares me silly. Because I'm already just so tired.

Of course, that is a downright depressing way to look at things.

My life is really great right now. I'm starting an etsy shop to sell cards that I love making. My family is now okay and healthy. I have a great boyfriend and awesome friends. Finally, I have found a workout routine that works for me post-college and during the colder months. I currently have a job, and even when it ends, I have yet another job that will allow me to pay bills and rent. I'm not homeless, hungry, or abused. I have more than a lot of other people in this world.

So I'm going to focus on that and when the anxiety wells up, I'm going to allow myself to be human. I'm not going to make myself wrong for feeling overwhelmed and angry. Those feelings are not fun, but they are a part of being human. And none of that makes me a weak or inept person.

Just a real one.

A lot of Short Stories...

2011-11-01T12:29:00.001-04:00

Thoughts I didn't feel like/couldn't flesh out into full entries.....

It's November!!! It's National Novel Writing Month, and the beginning of NaNoWriMo!! Or, write a 50,000 word novel in a month event. And this year, I'm participating! Writing a novel has always been on my bucket list, but in the back of my mind I had a sneaking suspicion it would never get done. Novels seem difficult to write, and really time consuming. I mean, do I have enough vocabulary words? Do I have enough time? What about a plot and all those run-on sentences? It's not going to be perfect, what will people think?!?!

Silly fears. Screw it, I'm doing it. Besides, who spits out perfection in the first try? I mean, the first time babies take a step, it usually looks funny and then they fall down. But eventually, everyone masters coordinated walking. Well, mostly everyone (rubs knee that just banged into door-frame)...

I met Bobbi! Bobbi of Bobbi's hummus which is delicious, all natural, and gluten-free. I first fell in love with her Black Bean Dip that my roommate Liz brought home. Like so many other food products, I never really think about who was behind them or what the name on the label means. I just yesterday made the connection between Paula and Jimmy Dean. They're married, right?! Should research that....

Right, back to the point. So Bobbie is a really nice old lady. She said everyone thought she was crazy for peeling so much garlic for all her hummus back in the '70s but that now business is really growing. Clearly she loves what she does and I respect that.

And this is her giving me free hummus.

(Nope, not getting paid for this recommendation. I just thought it was super cool to meet the lady on my label and that she was nice and gave me free stuff was endearing.)

I love Liz Lemon. Slash Tina Fey. Just because! Blerg!

Comedian Rob Delaney is suing Kim Kardashian. And E!. And Ryan Secreast. And Comcast. By now, most know (and don't care) that Kim K's marriage to Kris Humpries lasted 72 days. After getting paid to be in the wedding ceremony and accepting thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of dollars in donations via catering and dresses and whatnot, Delaney is calling out the wedding for being a sham.

Instead of fighting for monetary rewards, Delaney simply wants Kim and Kris to actually try. Try to be married. Try to get through the rough stuff that every marriage encounters. Just try to allow the relationship to be real and imperfect.

While I know little about his legal stance, good for you Delaney. Address the issue that marriage is hard and not all rainbows and butterflies. Let people know that struggling is normal and that not everything in life is as easy as pulling out a credit card and clicking on a link. Again, good for you. I can't wait to see what happens.

Sister Wives

2011-10-27T16:25:00.002-04:00

I’d heard a lot about this show, Sister Wives, but for somereason I put off watching it. Polygamy? Come on, everyone knowsthat’s gross and against the law. Freaks.

Yea, guess that’s what people used to say about gays. And people in interracial relationships. And, oh….

Here was my view of polygamy. Brigham Young. Gross men. Women who had cow shit for brains or who were being held against theirwill. Children who were kind ofbrainwashed and exposed to promiscuous lifestyles. Poor, dirty people who just didn’t know anybetter. Outsiders to the community. This was my preconceived notion fromstereotypes picked up from the media or what people had said or alludedtoo. I never really thought about it,mostly because I had never met a polygamist and never thought I would. They were like a mythical creature that didn’treally exist. But now there’s a TV showabout them (so clearly they must be real)!

From the very beginning, I was utterly shocked andsurprised. The show is tastefully doneand the people are genuine and open. Atthe start there are three wives, one husband, and twelve kids. They live in the same house, but everyone hasdifferent apartments with in the house, allowing for nuclear familyconnections, but also for whole family interactions. Every mom plays a different role: one works absurd hours, the other works andis studying to start another career and the third takes care of the householdand the kids. The dad is portrayed as aloving, caring man who is emotionally in-tune with each wife and takesincredible care of his kids. He spendsevery night in a different apartment with a different wife, schedules dates andequally divides his time. The wives all havea deep bond with each other and with their husband, as they have all beenmarried to Kody for at least 16 years.

From the start the wives explain that polygamy is somethingthey chose. They wanted to be in apolygamist relationship and did not want to enter a traditional marriage orfamily. They enjoy the company of theother wives and the relationship everyone shares. The division of labor and the fact that theirkids are always taken care of is something they take comfort in. The moms are well spoken, intelligent and so normal.

Kody, for his part, really works with each wife to make surethey are emotionally taken care of. Thewhole clan does devote a good time talking about the intricacies of therelationships. Everyone talks abouttheir emotions and works out problems as a team. They even said something like “allrelationships are complex and take a lot of work to maintain. This is the same thing. A complex marriage doesn’t mean a complicatedone.”

And the burning question everyone wants to know the answerto: how do they manage sex?

The answer is, they just don’t think about it.

These girls are funny too.

Now, I’m not interested in ever being a part of a polygamistmarriage (neither are some of their children – and everyone is truly okay withthat) but this show really was an education on something I previously judged withoutany facts or experience. I’m going toencourage people to watch it, if only to expand your mind into a place itprobably hasn’t been before. Just watchhow the family interacts – the marriages are healthier than most monogamous peopleI know and their kids are just wonderfully taken care of and developed - it isamazing.

Just be prepared to get your closed mind blown to all kindsof open.

What happens before 7:30

2011-10-25T17:06:00.000-04:00

I'm not a morning person. Ask my long time roommate who knows not to speak to me in the morning and who, if he hears a "hmmphrmp" come out of my mouth, knows that means "good morning, hope you have a wonderful day, I'm going to drink my coffee now and continue ignoring any living breathing thing except for this damn cat that expects me to feed it and won't stop meowing or touching me until it has food in its bowl."

Yes, I am THAT good of a communicator. A whole sentence in one non-vowel-ed word.

Today, I had the pleasure of waking up before 7 a.m. so that I could walk to the trolley, get home, dress, pack lunch and coffee, and get to work. Oddly, I didn't mind the early hour so much. I believe it was because the city was still asleep. The only people out were food industry workers slowly opening up coffee shops, or the very few early morning dog walkers. No morons. No kids. No homeless people asking me for change, or idiots asking for directions. No tourists crossing the streets at the wrong time. No horns blaring at the terrible city drivers. No PPA people yelling or getting yelled at. No music blaring or sirens screaming.

Just me, my music, and relative silence.

And my thoughts.

Which were scarce. But one completely relevant. When I was little, I used to wish that I was a boy. No period, no icky emotions, no dresses, no doubts about sporting abilities, no awkward "you have to wear a bra now" talk and shopping trip... But now, I'm glad to be a woman, I mean, we are clearly superior. Right?!

Except that one thing. Why can men fall back asleep so quickly!?! Today I woke up at 6:00 am freaking out about where my phone was because I clearly hadn't heard my alarm go off yet. The bf woke up, goes "are you okay" and immediately falls back asleep when it's clear I'm okay, just being nuts. And I lay awake for the next hour, barely dosing off. My mind is running in a million different directions, a main one being "wtf I am so pissed off that I'm awake right now".

And again when my alarm actually goes off. Bf just rolls over, keeps sleeping. After I say goodbye, I wasn't concerned at all that he was lying awake because his stupid girlfriend just woke him the hell up. Nope, out like a light I'm sure for the next hour. (Which makes me happy, really. Just b/c I have to get up early doesn't mean someone else shouldn't be allowed to sleep.)

And this isn't the first man I've known able to do this. Constantly amazes me. I wish I could bottle up that ability to just snooze and sell it. I'd be a millionaire.

And as I proceeded down the trolley steps, SEPTA interrupted my thoughts and ruined the quiet pleasant morning. But then again, SEPTA pretty much ruins everything.

Weekend Paradox

2011-10-24T12:35:00.000-04:00

On Sunday morning I came home and realized that I had only just said goodbyeto my dear old med-school friend the day before. But it seemed like ithad been a few days ago. However, now it is already Monday and I'mtrying to find the perfect poop time at work.

How does the weekend always do that? Seem so long, but yet so short?

I mean, come on. Friday was great andthen it was Saturday. My mind got thatone day transition. Then on Sunday, Iended up ruminating how it was just yesterdaythat I said goodbye to my dear old friend AND took boxing lessons. But it seems like eons ago. At least a few days went by in-betweenSaturday and Sunday, right?!

But it is already Monday; and what a Monday indeed. I came in early to proctor an exam. Apparently these students, who all must havea bachelor’s degree before coming into this program, have “never taken a testthat isn’t multiple choice”. Excuseme. No, I am not joking that this is ashort answer exam. No, I have no ideahow long each answer should be because I have no idea what you arestudying. And no, I don’t think she’llmind if you draw charts to help solidify your answers. Yes, if the professor can’t read it, it willbe wrong. Now, my question to you, “whatthe hell is wrong with you people?” Iwould have failed them all immediately for not being able to take a shortanswer test.

Alas, their grade is not up to me (probably good for them considering theywere the reason I was awake before 7 am). So Monday continues and hopefully this week will be full of goodthings. I think it will be. If my awesome poop timing is any indicator!

[Come on, EVERYONE who has worked knows, you should poop at work because you get paid for it. And, finding the perfect timing when no one is in the bathroom/sees you when you leave a stinky stall is the best.]

Anyone doing anything fun this week? Got any good links to waste my time?!

Mo' Monies, Mo' Problems

2011-10-21T11:35:00.000-04:00

I have so many ideas.

Yesterday as I was walking to work, I thought aboutcommuting and how we should get paid for it. See, I’m supposed to be at work at 8:30. Quite frankly, that’s a little bit early for me. On most days, like today, I spend an extra 10minutes in bed, an extra 5 minutes in the warm shower, another extra 5 minutescritiquing my dress and changing, and then as I’m rushing to pour the coffeeand pack my lunch the clock reads 8:25 and I have to look for my phone. Which is nowhere to be found. Because it is already in my bag.

That 20 extra minutes of nothingness eats up the 20 minutesI saved to walk to work. So as I’mwalking, I’m getting paid.

And shouldn’t I be getting paid? I mean, I’m either walking or cycling towork. That’s GREAT for the environmentand cuts down on traffic and parking for other city residents/employees. Wait, shouldn’t everyone be getting paid tocommute? I mean, we wouldn’t be using that time up if we didn’t have to get toour job…

Incentives. Welearned about them in B-school. How arethe ways one commutes to work? Car,train, subway, bus, walk, cycle, sleepwalk… So, we have driving in vehicles, walking/cycling, or taking publictransit. I’m sure there are other ways,but for simplicities sake, let’s just stick with these three.

Driving

Let’s say people who drive get paid for gas and a small permile rate for wear-and-tear and insurance. HOLD IT. You say that peoplewould be willing to drive farther for work then, tearing up the environment andcausing traffic jams and doing the total opposite of what the program issupposed to achieve?!?!

Just wait until you hear the rest of the idea!

Public Transit

Workers that take public transit get compensated for thefares plus extra money for taking a slightly more “green” route to work. I didn’t think about how much compensation,but enough to make the car people jealous. Maybe like $10 a week?

Walkers/Bikers

These people get the most money. After all, besides crop dusting, they arecausing the least amount of harm to the environment and also cutting down ontraffic and tied-up parking. I believethese people should get compensated (by a block = mile) at the same rate they would ifthey were driving. Without the cost ofdriving, they make out the best.

And hence the people who are doing the least harm, bothsocietal and environmental get paid for it.

Oh yes, there are many problems with this plan. Whose gonna pay for it? Why are we getting paid to commute? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I HAVE TO DRIVE ANDIT’S NOT FAIR, DAMMIT.

It’s a theoretical plan. Over time, the people that “have to drive” would either move closer orget a new job. Local hires would be moreprevalent, making the tax cuts some companies get for building in certain neighborhoodsactually work for the community. It’snot perfect, but does utopia exist?

On my imaginary private island it does!

[While I “get paid” to commute, I don’t take a lunch, so itmakes up for it. Not a slacker ordishonest worker, promise.]

DIY & the creative side

2011-09-21T14:31:00.000-04:00

When my 5 years of college finally ended, I spent the majority of my free time laying around watching TV. I figured I deserved some veg time after 40 hour work weeks, 20 hour class weeks, and all of the other things I fit into those years.

Then I got bored.

So I started making stuff. Mostly cards. Because who doesn't like getting a card in the mail?! And I love sending them!

It was really bad at first, but lately I've been getting better. In fact, I might even start an Etsy shop.

Soo, here are some samples!

Did another variation of this for a friend...on the inside "WE MISSED YOU!"

Geometric patter. I'd turn it 90 degrees counter clockwise if I was good at the computer.

One of my first forays into card making. Not toooooo shabby. Eh....

For my friend Steph and her new little boy!

Easy Thank You cards, the things I send most often!

So there's a few pictures. I've made a few more and sent them off. I like using buttons since I have a container of over 200 from the '60s! (Thank you, Granny.) So what do you think, Etsy worthy?!

I also did a quick DIY for these stupid little pins I bought at my first concert. Back when the Format was a band and I saw them perform with Gym Class Heros in 2006 or 2007, I bought some pins because I had no money for a t-shirt. And since then, they've moved with me 3 times, and I've never used them. Until now.

Oh yea, MAGNETS!!! They are so cute and work so well. I also made a few magnets out of bottle caps.

Projects I'm working on now: paper roses, engagement cards, something with twine....

Anyone working on any great DIYs right now?!

Can't Finish What I Started

2011-09-19T14:22:00.000-04:00

Right, blogging. Slacking? Yes. Sorry. I'll be better.

This weekend was full of things! First, the Motion City Soundtrack concert(s)! On Friday, they played their first two albums at the TLA. Liz and I hung out with JMJ and sang and danced. MCS was the first band that I independently liked. Freshman year, I downloaded their first two albums and had them on repeat. Most made fun, but my love of punk pop was founded and still thrives today.

Saturday morning, Liz and I went thrifting with my parents. While the rents drove me a bit crazy, I did find some really cool stuff.

A brand new Old Navy Dress with a 3/4 sleeve stripped Tablot jacket. Paired together, it could be professional (add leggings and some tasteful accessories).

And to round out clothing, this awesome dark navy and red stripped shirt from GAP! Perfect for fall layering.

Also, I found this little container for kitchen utensils! I think it's cute (if a little country).

All in all, my thrifting costs were about $40. Not too shabby considering I also got a new pair of work pants.

On Sunday, I ran a half-marathon. I realize running doesn't interest everyone, especially those who consider it asinine and a hateful sport. But, I'm one of those people!!! A year ago, I couldn't run more than a city block without having to walk.

I started running because I needed to lose weight and get in shape. Running is pretty cheap, you really just need sneakers. Plus, for the past 3 years I've been promising my roommate I'd sign up and run the 10 mile Broad Street run in Philadelphia. Running and me have a tenuous relationship. I'm 5'9" and I weigh more than 200 lbs. I also have a weird schedule, I drink a lot, and I used to smoke. Yea, tenuous relationship indeed.

In April, I ran the Out&Back Party Run. It's a four mile race with the promise of free beer at the end. It was really hard. And it took me almost 50 minutes. After that, I convinced myself to sign up for the half-marathon in September.

For the first few months I trained hard. I lost some weight and running was getting easier. Then came the heat wave. For two weeks it was over 100 degrees and there was no way I was going out in that. After a two week break, I just didn't feel like it anymore. So I forced myself to go out, but honestly, my long run right before the race was 6 miles. I had done 8 and 10 milers over the summer, but that was months ago.

Needless to say, I didn't want to think about how the 13.1 miles would go. I learned a lot about myself though. At mile 10, my hips hurt so bad I was in tears but I was still running. WTF?! I haven't had to tap into that kind of will-power and determination for a long time and it is good to know it is still there.

I finished. I ran it in 3 hours and 7 minutes. I wanted to do it under 2 hours and 45 minutes, but things happen and at the end, I still feel accomplished. AND I got a medal!!!

Anyone interested in running? Or starting to run?

Tune in later this week to see what DIYs I've been doing lately!!!

Books, Books, Books

2011-07-20T13:43:00.000-04:00

I decided 3 months ago that I wanted an e-reader. While I love my 50 cent thrift store reads, it really is a pain in the butt to carry 2 or 3 books around at a time. (I read fast, don't judge). Then about 2 months ago, I dismissed the Kindle & Sony readers and decided I would get a Nook. But, Nooks cost money, so I had to save up. And make another decision.

So, on Saturday, I finally decided I would purchase a plain old Nook (not the "I-wanna-be-an-iPad" Nook Color) in the next 2 weeks. And on Sunday my lovely boyfriend gave me a Barnes & Noble bag with a newly purchased Nook, complete with protective over. Can you say LUCKY DUCK?!

And now I have a problem.

There are so many decisions to make!!!

1.) Do I decorate this cover?! Especially since it already has a water stain on it from work?!

2.) Do I buy new cover that I can clean off easily.

3.) How do I decide what books to buy/read?!?!

I feel like the internet can help me out on this. There is a website where people share book recommendations? The people that read my blog have ideas?

Luckily for us poorer folk, there are a lot of free e-books out there. Even if you don't have a nerdy e-reader, you can find information on how to read stuff (fo' free!) here.

Also - saw Harry Potter yesterday. Awesome except for the end where cheesy makeup seemed to make the main actors 5 years older instead of 19.

Now that the nerdgasm is over, I have a interesting story about 'the girl that convinced me to get a Nook'. We always have the weirdest experiences together.

TGTCMTGAN and I ran over to the bar closest to our work at 1:58, hoping we could get one drink in before going home after a long shift. Fortunately, we are both regulars and good tippers so we got 2 drinks. Unfortunately, us and one very drunk dude were the only ones left sipping spirits. Of course the drunkard starts talking to us, interrupting our conversation. He calls us the boombox girls and tells us in his Boston accent "I'm a southern gentleman from Austin." I reply in a NE accent "or from Boston." (for more of his inane ramblings follow @alooney on twitter).

He proceeded to tell us about his two divorces, how he'd like to see one of his ex-wives cut up in a trashbag on the side of the highway. We were still giggling at his incoherent half-sentences when he roared "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU AREN'T MARRIED, YOU HAVE NO LOVE IN YOUR LIFE."

The moments of clarity that alcohol sometimes gives is ironic.

I always say, you'll meet the strangest people in bars after 2 a.m...

DIY: Jewelry Tree

2011-07-15T09:20:00.000-04:00

I've told you of my yearning for a jewelry tree and also of its' exorbitant cost and absence from any of my wish-lists. Needless to say, when Liz got into DIY-ing so did I and I decided my project this week would be a jewelry tree.

Dudes, you might be bored by this topic BUT, if you are looking to impress a girl and you show up at her door with a handmade jewelry tree, you're probably gonna get some. Or at least a hug. Or some sort of food. Or something.

Things you will need:

base container (bottle, planter, something awesome)
decorative rocks or marbles
a tree branch (either from outside or a craft store
glue or a glue gun
optional: spray paint
also optional: a glass of merlot

First, if you want to spray paint the bottom, go for it. I did. The color blackberry was on clearance, so my tree is blackberry. Next, I scrounged around the park next door for a good branch with lots of little places to hang stuff. I de-leafed the branches then spray painted the bark a little. I just felt like all the sap and germs and bugs would be covered then.

After everything was dry I glued the branch into the base and placed the decorative rocks all around it. If the branch breaks or I find another one, it can be easily replaced!!

And there is the finished project!!!!

So simple and easy and cheap!!!!! Instead of getting a $60 tree from Urban Outfitters, I spent less than $20 at Michael's craft store. And, if I wanted to make another one, it would cost about $5!!!

Any ideas for next week's DIY?!?

Hello, Old Friend

2011-07-14T11:14:00.000-04:00

It's been a minute. And by a minute, I mean a few months since I have typed a blog post and posted it to my old friend, Stooptime, so my other friends could read about what is up in my life. And there are many, many reasons. But, I'm throwing those reasons aside and coming back to my old friend. Because I like Stooptime & all that it provides.

That being said, I NEED BLOGGER FRIENDS. I need an audience to talk to, people to follow, people to follow me. So share my blog!! I'm like a little kid in preschool on the first day. All alone with my heart on my sleeve, trying to figure out how to make friends in a new world.

(Gosh a re-first blog post is hard to write. There's just no transition material at all. And no "main topic". I can't wait until the second one...)

Today I am going to do a few DIY jewelry trees (since I've been too poor for the past couple of years to buy one and too forgetful to put it on my birthday or christmas lists) and a few bracelets for a blogger giveaway, all while day drinking and celebrating the birthday of a good friend! But, I'll post about that tomorrow.

For today, I'm going to share a book I just read and highly recommend for some light & fun reading! "Tales of a Female Nomad" is about Rita Golden Gelman, who, as a newly divorced 40-something woman, sells most of her possessions and lives in different parts of the world learning about other cultures and languages. She's a writer (mostly children's books) and lives off of the income from that. The book is fascinating and a cheap way to travel to parts of the world you might never make it too. She is still a traveling nomad, and her website still chronicles her journey. I got the book for 50 cents at a thrift store, and it is probably just as cheap on Amazon and free at the local library if you need a good beach read!

(Gahhh! There's still no transition material!!)

Other things I'm up to: running a half-marathon, looking for a "real-kid" job, doing lots of other DIY projects, making the best cocktails ever, being hilarious and awesome, eating cake, reading, and rediscovering the art of blogging. And other random things that will weave themselves into the narrative of my life that is Stooptime.

Welcome back! It's good to write again.

Real Life Fails

2011-03-28T12:33:00.001-04:00

It all started at a bar called Drinkers' West the other day. St. Patty's day to be exact. Yes, I did the stupidest thing ever and went to a ghetto/college bar on the worst amateur drinking night of the year. But, I did see the greatest fail ever.

I was outside as a fight spilled into the street. The bouncers were trying to break up the fight but as the one of the dudes got away, so did the other. He swung downward, trying to hit the dude on the head/shoulder but failed. He stumbled, his pants fell down around his ankles, exposing his bright blue boxer briefs and he fell head over heels. And then got arrested. It was hilariously awesome.

And since then, I've been seeing some hilarious fails.

This was a display piece in IKEA.

Yea, I totally know what to expect now from IKEA furniture, if I didn't already know.

Procrastinators unite!

Our neighbor really needs to stop feeding the cats. You can't see the 15 cats that are on the other side of the green door, or the 7 that aren't pictured.

This isn't really a fail, but I'm surprised Goodwill has such an automated application process.

Ad in the local Central PA paper. Make sure you read the whole thing for the juxtaposition hilarity.

And finally the last one that is a fail no more because my friend got his car fixed.

Notice the vanity mirror. So. Classic.

I have my own fail from last night. Trying to learn to drive a stick is not the easiest thing.

Anyone else have good fail/win stories lately?

Pork n Beer

2011-03-21T12:31:00.000-04:00

When I bring people home to Central PA, they generally don't get to visit the "real" Central PA. Fortunately, this weekend I went to visit part of my "extended-family". We're not actually related, but we might as well be.

After driving for about 30 minutes, passing through to a different county, passing a few buggies, and driving on a dirt road, we get to our destination. It was a birthday party for one of the girls! We drank a little and I was going to leave, but then Matt asked me to play washers. I love washers.

Imagine being in an old butcher house, throwing washers and drinking and laughing. Then Matt says "you've never seen a rooster get drunk? Really?! They LOVE beer. You can pour about two down it's throat at a time. And pigs, they ABSOLUTELY love beer!"

And it just so happens, there were roosters and pigs in the barn.

And there was also beer in the barn.

And the piggies LOVE beer.

And they do get drunk!! The roosters were watching and squawking while the dog was trying to get in on the action. A few minutes later, we left the pigs staggering in the barn and went out to the bonfire which was keeping us warm in the glow of the super-moon.

And these are a few of my favorite nights with some of my favorite people. I love Philly, but sometimes home is just where you need to be.

I mean, come on, where can you see pigs drinking beer in Philly?!?! Oh right, the corner bar.....

Questionable Queues

2011-03-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

While sitting in my economics class I realized I was in desperate need of a coffee. In this business building, there is a Starbucks downstairs which is inevitably hosting a line of at least 10 people. During our five minute break, I walked downstairs and saw a line of about 45 people. Why?

I assume these people also were in desperate need of caffeine. I also assume none of these people had the brains to walk outside for 30 seconds, cross the street, request a large coffee from one of the food trucks, pay a dollar, walk back across the street, and be back inside. As long as it took me to do that, my classmates had moved up 3 feet in line. If that.

HAHA. SUCKERS. You also paid at least 150% of what I did for 75% less coffee. Me = WINNING!

But seriously? Why such a long line? Why wait in such a long line? I believe I'll file this as further evidence that groups of people are stupid. I mean, come one. Groups of people decided paper could beat rock, and clearly that is just not true. Next time you get in a fight, try throwing wadded up paper balls. Guarantee you that the person throwing rocks wins. If they have good aim. Or any kind of aim.

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

2011-03-03T14:45:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted in a MINUTE. Mostly due to lack of material/inspiration. Instead, I've been staying up late watching shows that make me look like a loser. Like Biggest Loser, which is actually a good show, until you walk in on me cradling my laptop at 3:30 a.m. crying like a baby because someone just said something touching about losing 10 lbs.

Loserface.

Anyway, when I get up at 9 or 10 a.m. after one of these nights, tired as hell, I begin making a mental list of "Things I Should Have Learned by Now."

1. Don't leave important and breakable things on the floor. When sober you sees them on the floor and thinks "eh, I'm late, I'll deal with those headphones/glasses later" you KNOW drunk you is not going to see them. And the next morning when you need either one, you realize you're screwed. And it sucks. So stop doing it. You've already broken 2 pairs of glasses AND headphones. Come. On. Already.

2. If you tell Person A that you'll grab a drink with them, and then you tell Person B you'll come over, and Person A and Person B plans coincide on the same night, it is called double-booking. It makes whoever you cancel on/come late too feel like birdpoo and it makes you feel guilty. It's called a smartphone and calendar. Learn. To. Use. Them.

3. The door frame does not move. When you walk into it, it hurts.

4. The low hanging pipes in the basement have been there since you moved in. When you walk into them, it hurts, and you lose even more braincells.

5. The subway waits for no man, and the trolley is never coming. Because the trolley stop is 0.01 miles away from my house, and the subway is 0.4 miles away, I always wait for the trolley, until it's too late to catch the subway, but I run there anyway, and miss both. And then am late. Seriously?

6. If I start watching TV shows (see Biggest Loser, Grey's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights, How I Met Your Mother, etc) at night, I will keep watching them until there is nothing left to watch. Like an addict. I watched 5 episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I haven't been a fan since halfway through season 3, yet, I had to watch all of them. Until 3:30 a.m. Shut. The. GD. Laptop.

And the list goes on. But it gets even more embarrassing. Not surprisingly.

Now, I have to construct a birthday gift in the next 6 hours, 5 of which I will be in class. If there's one thing I am good at, it is time management. If you ignore #2.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

2011-02-21T22:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in a king size bed on the Governor's Club level of a hotel overlooking a protest taking place at the Capital building in Madison, Wisconsin, watching television and doing research.

I. feel. grown. up.

My research includes and article about beer, some Wikipedia, and the new episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" in which Charlie and Dennis discover "enriched" beer. I have to give a beer presentation tomorrow so I'm setting up my (sober) brain to be completely prepared. Both with jokes and facts.

I've also been preparing by talking with lots of random people. Today, one my first solo plane ride, I sat next two a nice old couple who were randomly from my hometown! They told me where they lived and told me to stop by next time I'm in town. Retired entrepreneurs (they used to own more than 1,700 air pumps, most of which are now free to use), they now run a food kitchen for people in need.

I also met an old hippie dude who is a snow bird. He lives half in Tampa, FL, and the other half in Wisconsin with his kids. He told me about Blueberry Field south of St. Pete which is where people go to do some recreational stuff. For $5, you're safe to do whatever. They provide some different settings, including a giant bird cage that you can sit about 20 people in along with huge rope swings.

Since he is also retired, he is doing a bunch of stuff. Including writing adult Dr. Seuss books. He recited two of them to me and they are hilarious. All the rhyming was clever, and it was a little dirty and definitely causes lolz. I'm trying to find him on FB but its tough going.

Okay, back to beer research. And watching protests from my window. You know, all just part of being a grown up!

So over it

2011-02-15T18:40:00.000-05:00

After one more whirlwind week, life will finally slow down. I have a few pieces of good news.

Even though I was out of gym commission for a week, I still am down 10 solid lbs. And I'm back at the gym as of today!

Liz's bday was awesome. I am always amazed when I run into people I know at some random bar in Philly. Ran into a few people I used to work with and some Brothers from the frat came too!

I have an interview in Wisconsin next week. Literally a week from today, I will be at an airport having a wind-down drink waiting for my flight back to Philadelphia. And it is stressing me out.

I went to my first Flyers game with the bf this weekend. It was mad cool and I will probably do a post about it tomorrow.

V-day was the best ever as I spent it with a few girlfriends and we got tipsy, played games, and watched Carrie Bradshaw be a crazy biotch while Samantha got laid again, and again, and yet again.

I got two pairs of Steve Madden boots for super duper cheap. And they are lovely. (Here and here are links).

So, I'm over school. Tonight is the night I have class with a professor who insists that we come listen to him rant about cell phones and how stupid we are while teaching us nothing about Operations Management, then hands out arbitrary grades. In fact, he just informed us that if we used the book to answer a question on the midterm, we were wrong. Even though his powerpoint slides confirmed that it was correct way to do the problem. And every single person in this graduate class did the problem the same way. But yet, he says we are flys on walls that get shat on, and we eat it. I kid you not. That all was just said.

In other news, I have to do a 10 minute presentation for my interview in WI. They have given me free range for whatever topic I choose, sans powerpoint. After brainstorming I've come up with a few ideas, but I think I'm going to talk about beer. Because that is one of the few ~~politically correct~~ things I can speak intelligently about for 10 minutes. Thanks to my $172,000 (give or take a few thousand) education. But I figure if I put the spin on beer education that it can make people look good and expand their horizons, it'll work. And people will remember it, hence remember me. And hire me.

Good idea? Or fail waiting to happen?!?!

Drugs, not Hugs

2011-02-10T18:57:00.002-05:00

In this day and age, I think recreational drug use is "in" but I'm not entirely sure. I know a few of my friends go to raves all the time and have awesome experiences, but I also know a few of my friends that say "Raves? It's not 1998." No matter what's "cool", people will always being using drugs.

There are like 100 people who are coming down off Oxycontin right now in my West Philly neighborhood because their dealer got caught. And is charged with like 78,000 counts of murder. He is gross. And the addicts are slightly dangerous.

Luckily, they now have a resource that is free and cheap. Unfortunately, I may die because of it. You know what I'm talking about. It's the newest fad. And I kid you not - bath salts.

Yea, I got those for my mom for Christmas. I bet she is having a blast right now. While possibly murdering my father. [Just kidding!] "Bath Salts" are the new drug on the market.

Apparently, it is a cheap and legal in around 47 states. And it produces a killer high.

...Authorities have had "bizarre medical calls" from bath-salt users, including one man who tried to tear apart the back of a patrol car with his teeth and a woman who attacked her mother with a machete...Users report a feeling of euphoria, increased sociability and productivity and often sexual arousal. ... Health officials say the drugs also can produce extreme paranoia, hallucinations and hostility in their users.

... The back-seat biter required seven deputies to subdue him....

Bath and Body Works better jump on this new opportunity. I bet if they add scents, it will become more mainstream. They could even sell tickets to people for "bath salt" events - who wouldn't pay to watch 50 crabby old women take a bunch of drugs and beat each other up?

My personal opinion: sounds like alcohol, except more hardcore. Yes, I think I'll try them. I heard patrol car seats taste like chikin.

Put that Butt in Gear

2011-02-08T10:32:00.001-05:00

I slid right on in to the Philly Auto Show this weekend after a glorious (and cheap) Dim Sum dinner at Dim Sum Garden at 52 N. 11 St. and it was fantastic. And I got to see lots of beautiful Mustangs. The bf is quite knowledgable about cars and I learned a few things. One being that cars don't last for 15 years anymore. My dad is going to be disappointed that he can't run his next car for 18 years and 400,000 miles...

Me: What makes the "exotic" cars "exotic."
Bf: They cost over $300,000
Me: Ooooooohhhhhhhh.

So what's the way to judge a car anyway? Performance? Gas milage? Paint color? Size? Maybe, but what about the butt?

Yerp, that rear-end is what most people see, especially if you drive fast, so it has to represent! You may think I'm crazy, but cars have the same butts people do. There's the soccer-mom-who-does-pilates on some mini-vans. Sports cars? Most have solid athletic looking rear-ends. Lincolns and old Buicks, now there's a granny ass if I've ever seen one. What about those cars whose rear ends are almost dragging on the ground? Yea, those people who need to put a belt on or buy a pair of jeans that fits.

Interesting side-note: I read somewhere that the baggy jeans round your thighs instead of your waist (or even hips) trend was started in a LA ghetto. Like most places where money is tight, hand-me-downs are common. Boys would start wearing their older brother's jeans before they fit. The bigger the pants, the bigger your older brother.

Makes a lot of sense right?

It's Something of an Obsession

2011-02-04T14:37:00.001-05:00

Television is God's gift to entertainment. Or to me. Whatever. And I love television shows. I don't care if I'm a graduate student and TV rots the brain. I will watch a television show for HOURS. And I do very little for hours besides sleep, drink, and work.

I have a few embarrassing favorite shows like Grey's Anatomy, Dead Like Me, and Private Practice. But I love How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Dexter, Arrested Development, Veronica Mars, etc. Usually I take advice from people and watch an episode, feel it out. Sometimes I watch the whole thing no matter what, because I get stupidly addicted. TV is like crack for me - I may start hating it, but I can't stop wanting to watch it.

When Liz started talking about this particular television show, I blew it off. Mostly because she has really good taste and I didn't have time. Then Tony started talking about it. And then I didn't want to open up Netflix, because I knew that was gonna be it.

And then I saw the pilot....

Yerp, addicted. Just like that. Watched Season 1, and am going to finish Season 2 by next week. And why is a MBA candidate so addicted to a TV show about high school football?

Well there's the obvious, it reminds me of my own high school days (mascot and school colors are the same). And then there's the down home country people who are good people at heart, they just care a little too much about beer and football. Cute little Matt Saracen and effed up Tim Riggins. And the relationship that Coach Taylor and his wife have is one-of-a-kind.

It's definitely a drama, but it is not super soap-opera (at least not yet). I would highly recommend watching Season 1 if you can find it (Netflix instant watch - do it, you won't).

I would also highly recommend Lagunitas Cappucino Stout if you can find it on tap! (For those of you in Philly, Local 44 definitely has it right now). It's delicious.

Happy Friday!!! I'm off to the car show. Yep, I'm just gonna slide on in.

I'll let you know how that goes.

You are such an Ice Queen

2011-02-02T13:44:00.003-05:00

I was talking with a friend yesterday, after we unstuck her car from the snow, and she said "I love snow when it is pretty and only in the backyard of my suburb home." Now, I can get behind the conditional love for snow. Love it for two-hour delays, cancelled classes, snowball fights, and the white sheen it puts on the city for the first day it falls. But sometimes, like now, when you've been walking on ice for the past week with no ice-free future in sight, it blows.

However, yesterday I saw two sights that made me happy. As I was slipping and sliding to my landlord's front door, the bf spotted this lovely piece of artwork in his front yard.

It's a face with a little fort/castle pathway in the back. Cute. But I almost died trying to get a picture. It looks better in person (but at least my Blackberry has a flash). Poor dude's gonna die once the snow melts. If that ever happens.

Okay, while the dude is cute, the next one is shady. It was right next to an empty rape van. At least I found it in the daylight....

"Urban-chic" photo. Read: hipster.
I hope whoever dropped that is okay. When I see kids items, like shoes, just chilling on the ground, I always worry for the little gals and girls of West Philly. Because it's West Philly and its not kid friendly.

On another note, today I've been listening to The Tallest Man on Earth. If you like relaxing folk-type music, you will love this dude. Their album Shallow Grave has been on repeat all day, it is fantastic. (Liz, blog about this soon...your opinion is better than mine! Album is on dropbox.)

I'm off to the gym to run 2 whole miles and keep up with my goal of losing 30 lbs. by the end of May. 10 lbs down, 20 more to go!!

City of Brotherly Love

2011-02-01T18:59:00.001-05:00

Two articles relevant to Philadelphians today...

One is about the backpack that was set on fire today on one of the SEPTA subway trains.

Contrary to reports on Twitter, there were no explosions and no injuries were reported.

Don't worry guys, Twitter is not a certified news source. News to me. Although it was correct when people said the Broad Street line (one of the two in Philadelphia) wasn't running for hours. And that SEPTA didn't provide an alternative way to get to your end destination. Problem solving isn't SEPTA's strong suite. Neither is marketing or running on time.

JK. We're actually not.

Besides the startling lack of continuity in public transportation, the City of Brotherly Love has been taking cues from Cain and Able. When I saw this following picture, I chuckled.

Why? Because the legend includes "Homicides since Friday." It is Tuesday. That is scary, and my sense of humor is morbid. (Disclaimer: none of these murders happened anywhere near where I live or frequent. Otherwise, not so funny.)

Oddly enough, I need to decide whether to continue to live here or go elsewhere. I make fun of Philly a lot, but there are things I really enjoy like concerts with friends. Eating and drinking like a hipster on the cheap. Being close to DC and NYC and my family. Playing Angry Birds (Surgeon General Warning: Smashing Pigs is Really Addictive but can also score you free beer) with the local bartender while getting wasteyface. And, you know, etc.

And having a stoop.

What's that in your water?

2011-01-31T16:31:00.000-05:00

I'll say it once, I'll say it again: Don't mess with the people that are serving you food or drinks.

Luckily for the normal consumer, tips come at the end of a meal, so it motivates the servers to be nice to you and work for it. Because if they knew how much you'd tip, the service would be closely correlated. However, I've come up with a scheme that levels the playing field. It's called eye drops.

If someone starts being an a-hole, they are going to get eye drops in whatever they are drinking. I might not know how much they'll tip me, but I will know that they will spend a very satisfying hour on the toilet pooping out massive amounts of douche.

And then, as time goes on, they'll realize it's the "restaurant" making them sick. And they won't ever come back. Then all the people who make my life hell on earth everyday will not come back. Just like that, a better work environment.

List of things that make you a jerk:
"Can you just bring us a round of waters."
"I'm allergic to peppers." (at a mexican place, really?!)
"I want a Long Island, and can you make it strong?"
"We'll just have the check, and we're all separate, so we'll take separate checks."
"Can you read the menu to me? I forgot my glasses."
"My fries taste different than her fries."
"I hate this margarita, it's so bitter."
"You did such a wonderful job serving us." (tips less than 10%)
"HEY YOU! Yea, I want wings, how much they cost?"
"We don't want to sit here, we want to sit right there."
"Oh, I ordered food at the bar already, just tell them to bring it to me here."
"Can I have a hot tea?"
Every time a server walks up to your table you ask for one thing, when they come back you ask for one more thing, rinse and repeat.
Eating half your food, deciding you don't like it.

And the list goes on. For all of those people above, you get eye dropped water and/or alcohol. Sorry about your luck, but you should always know, don't mess with the people who can mess with your food.

When it's cold outside, you're supposed to wear pants

2011-01-31T10:08:00.000-05:00

You know what I enjoy laughing at? Girls wearing inappropriate clothing for the season. Bare legs and open toed shoes are not the way to go in this weather. I mean, c'mon. There are SIX, SIX different seasons for selling women's clothes, and retailers sell ALL SIX. Men have a limited choice compared to women. We have every type of shoe and piece of cloth available to cover us. WEAR SOMETHING APPROPRIATE.

Today is my Friday. I have to be at work soon, working with a manager who goes hot and cold like a 12 year old girl PMS-ing. So I'm going to stockpile the snarky comments and leave you with this (sorry if you're a dude).

How I love (weather appropriate) shoes.

Found it.

2011-01-27T11:52:00.000-05:00

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

2011-01-27T10:01:00.000-05:00

Last night, I decided to go to the gym to keep up with my goal of losing 50 lbs. On the way back I literally got a brain freeze from the incessant sleet. Later, I had to leave the house again and on the way back sludge through about a foot of snow. This is what my stoop looked like:

At least snow is pretty! And today most people got a 2 hour delay, which is nice. Most people in other cities are calling us Philadelphians wimps right now. The truth of the matter is, their just jealous that their wimpy city doesn't shut down after more than 6 inches of snow. Oh, and we're so broke we can't plow or salt very often! Win-win for us taxpayers.

Today, I have lots to ponder. Like why on earth Will Ferrell would be coming on the "Office". I'm really glad TV shows can recruit talent, but the poor "Office" is going to be super weird and awkward in the last 8 episodes which sucks for the show's history. I may not like the "Office" but I do like TV and I hate Will Ferrell.

I also get to ponder how on earth Lady Gaga's song Telephone is a children's book. Yes, yes it is. No, no I kid you not, even I am not that creative/funny. I think kids of the next few generations will have a very skewed handle of the English language. And of nutrition and weight control.

Oh, and now for Finance homework and maybe studying for an exam I may or may not have in 4 hours. Now that's something to ponder!

Some things just make me chuckle

2011-01-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was reading on philly.com about some kid in a wheelchair and his clothing line when I noticed a gigantic ad in the background for the Philadelphia Auto Show which is going on in the next two weeks. Guess what the tagline was.

Wait for it...

"Just slide on in."

If that's not a huge thats what she said, I don't know what it.

Another funny thing is fulfilled stereotypes. But it's only funny when everyone in the situation thinks it's funny. Otherwise, it's probably racist. Or in appropriate. So, still funny, but laugh in your head funny, not riotous laughter funny. For instance, the other day at work, I had a table of four black people. One couple was normal, the other was super ghettolicious. The dude ordered a steak and chicken fajita.

Me: How do you want your steak cooked?
Me in my head: Well Done or Med Well, sent back for being a little pink
Him: Gurl, what do I look like to you? You know how we do. Well. Done. Put it in the bank.
All of us: Awkward chuckle laughter

Anddddddd fin. Check out these two websites. At least one will make you chuckle!

http://1000awesomethings.com/
http://catalogliving.net/

And you can put that in the bank!

Dazed and Confused and Surprised...

2011-01-21T13:02:00.000-05:00

Some things never cease to amaze me. Here's a smattering.

What is with number games that always turn out? Someone posted the following on the Facebook yesterday.

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 .... NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you WILL BE this year and it WILL EQUAL TO 111...Crazy!

And golly gee, it worked out for me. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! Does it work for everyone? Does it work every year?! Like next year, can you do it and everything will equal 112? I'm usually considered somewhat "intelligent" but this kind of scenario has always escaped me.

As the behavior of some parents has. Parents are crazy and they are always "right". Even when they want you to wear color coordinated clothes for family photos. Which automatically makes awkward family photos. Like these real life photos from my sister-in-law's family.

Not awkward enough yet? Try the "siblings" picture.

Now, to be clear I love some of the people in these photos dearly. But, if I had been forced to pose for photos like these, I would expect people to also make fun of me. (I had a slight moral dilemma and the guilt will last til tomorrow, but come one. I live to make people laugh. You're welcome.)

Other things that escape me: $9 well drinks, people who can't find the "silent" button on their cell phones even after they've disturbed a lecture or something already, gross pizza, gross mac&cheese, people who would rather have 9 kids than purchase a box of condoms, and various other things.

But more on that later.

2011 and so much has happened

2011-01-20T15:39:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged since October.
Yes, I know.
You didn't miss me!

Mostly, I haven't blogged because there's no direction for this space. My roomie Liz has a wonderful blog, Dance to the Radio, dedicated mostly to music, some to fashion. And she does a wonderful job because that's her jawn. But what's my jawn? One of my other friends had a hard time getting me a Christmas gift, just because my interests are super specific, and they usually change with the position of the moon.

And I definitely don't want to talk about my life. Okay, of course I do, doesn't everyone? But... A.) gossip mill. B.) dramz. C.) if none of the above, dull at best. I could talk about my cat and her idiosyncrasies, but I'm not ready to be labeled as an old cat lady yet.

So, I guess I need suggestions on topics. Or something. Direction on what to do here and in my life would be much appreciated. Especially since I am apparently not a Gemini anymore.

2010 was a year. I believe that's what 365 consecutive days are called. I finished college, started grad school, went further in debt, moved, was single, then was not, went to Florida, celebrated holidays and birthdays, and generally trudged through the year.

Okay, that was a really bad reflection.

For now, let me share some goals for 2011, I'm done with 2010. That is ancient history.
1. Find a "real" job.
Finding a real job requires effort and showers. Don't know if I'm up for it yet. I keep applying and taking personality tests and aptitude tests. But the going is slow. Especially since I lack direction on a career and a location. Sense a theme?

2. Lose 30 lbs by the end of May, 50 by September.
People hate this. They think it is unhealthy and whatnot. Some people don't want to hear about it at all. Like my life isn't supposed to be like The Biggest Loser. REAL people don't weigh that much. Anyway, I don't hate this goal yet, but talk to me in a week when my legs don't work anymore and all I want is a hot, steaming bowl of delicious macaroni and cheese with a side of black forest cake loaded with vanilla ice cream. If my arms aren't so sore that I can't lift the fork to my face.

3. Finish grad school...
...without punching someone in the face or failing a class due to lack of interest.

4. Finish Landmark curriculum.
I took a great class called Landmark that basically gave me the tools to handle life and make it work. Despite the teasing by most friends, I found it really helpful and am continuing the education so that I can live with direction and power. So that's on the list...

5. Write a novel/screenplay in a month.
This is going to happen in February or April. I'm so excited. No showers necessary.

6. Learn Espanol.
Enough to get by in Tijuana.

Goals, goals, goals. This year, the score is going to be Universe: 1,297,283 Me: 6

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get through this crazy professor's boring ass economics class. Then I have a date at an Irish Pub with an Irish bartendar. I really wish alcohol was zero calories.

Sunshine Cleaning

2010-10-26T13:16:00.000-04:00

Movie circa 2008 available on Netflix instant watch. Two white trash sisters, Amy Adams & Emily Blunt, are broke and broken. Their mom committed suicide when they were little, one of them has a kid, the other does a lot of small-time drugs and parties, the dad is crazy, and to get by (because the little kid was kicked out of school for licking things) they start cleaning up crime scenes.

I know Netflix has this algorithm that is really good to suggest movies, and while I liked Sunshine Cleaning, they falsely advertised it. Dark humor & black comedies, indie dramas, indie comedies is what it is listed under, but it is basically just an indie drama.

Some of it is kind of funny. A chuckle here or there. Most of it is just normal, which is strange for Hollywood. Is it worth watching? Eh, if you have 90 minutes to kill, go for it. All the characters are well played and interesting.

Favorite quote: "It's a business lie, it's different from a real lie."

Stars: 3.5/5

The Invisible Hand

2010-10-07T13:29:00.001-04:00

My friend and I were discussing some things the other night, and one of the subjects was about things we need to do in order to fit in to "polite" society. For instance, if you are going to be powerful and rich and hob-nob with all the fancy-schmancy people you better not use the words "fancy-schmancy" in a sentence. You probably should also know something about at least one artist from each art period. Even if you hate art.

One of the ways I fit in with fancy-schmancy people (no, I have not rubbed elbows with very many) is by wearing clothes that don't have stains or holes in them and also by being humble. And correcting their mistakes. While being humble but knowledgable. Or at least that's what I'd do if life were a movie and I got the chance to play that part.

With that being said, here is your random fact for the day:

Adam Smith, the philosopher and economic genius who wrote Theory of Moral Sentiments and also wrote Wealth of Nations which shaped capitalism and allowed the rise of economic prosperity for all is misquoted all the time in society. In the latter book, Smith refers to an invisible hand.

People now say "Smith refers to an invisible hand as on that guides market forces to determine price and supply and demand." But that is simply untrue.

Smith uses the phrase once in each book. This is the excerpt from Wealth of Nations:
“By directing that industry in such a manner as its produce may be of greatest value, he intends only his own gain, and he is in this, as in many other cases, led by an invisible hand to promote an end which was no part of his intention.”5

Now, Smith did this awesome thing and divorced economics from morals, something that we take for granted nowadays. His view was that we could all act selfishly and with our own best interests in mind, and that the invisible hand would still guide us towards a better common good. So, the means is not reflected in the ends.

Smith also divorced moral philosophy and God. If you are interested in ethics explained from a non-religious and non-metaphysical sense, check out Theory of Moral Sentiments. Or just Google it. But please, don't listen to Wikipedia!

UPDATE: Here is a really good article if you're super interested.

Julie & Julia

2010-10-02T09:27:00.011-04:00

No, this is not another movie review. Liz, who is awesome, said "food blogs are big" and since she would know here it goes. This is the deal with my cooking skills.

I can cook. Follow a recipe step by step, make sauces, cut vegetables, boil water, melt butter, etc. It always turns out great and tasty, but quite frankly, going to the grocery store, picking up all the supplies, making sure I have the right number of pans and then cleaning all of those pans goes way over my normal time quota for a meal.

And I get really frustrated when there's more than 12 steps. (That's why rehab programs don't have 13.)

Instead of following a cookbook, I just throw things together. Cheap, easy, no more than 2 pans, and no more than $10. Otherwise I'd just go to the pizza shop and get them to cook for me. Or Wawa. Or Cosi....

This is what I made Liz for lunch...we'll call it....uhhhh....

Pasta with Garlic Parmesan Stuff

What you need:
1 frying pan
1 pot that holds as much pasta as you want
Minced garlic (from a jar, don't do mince that stuff yourself)
Misc. spices
Pasta
Extra virgin olive oil
Parmesan

Here's how to make one serving. Just increase ingredients for more servings.

In the pot, boil water.
Once boiling, put however much pasta you want in pot, set timer.
In the pan, pour some extra virgin olive oil. How much? Well, like 5 tablespoons-ish. Maybe a little more? The great thing about this recipe is you can't mess it up!
Turn the pan on med-high heat, let the oil get hot, throw in some diced garlic. As much or as little as your heart desires. Use something to move the garlic & oil around so it doesn't burn to the bottom of the pan.
Don't forget to stir the pasta.
Add a little basil, oregano, pepper, and parsley to the oil & garlic. Yes, or just use italian seasoning.
The water is reboiling and you've got like 3 minutes til the pasta's done right? Oil is nice and hot and garlic is sizzling? Turn the heat down to med-low.
Add some parmesan. Stop asking how much, add as much as you think looks good. Move it all around. Keep it on med-low.
Drain pasta, dump the frying pan contents onto the pasta.
Clean your dishes.

If you have the means, add chicken or beef to the oil mixture and let it brown. Sooo good.

As for Julia & Julie (or whatever) the movie was cute, but Julie is kind of a bitch. And who has that much time to cook or find rare ingredients? But Julia, bless her heart.

Paper Moon

2010-10-01T10:46:00.000-04:00

There's this movie on Netflix Instant Watch called Paper Moon. You should definitely invest the 102 minutes to watch it.

Now, most of you (yea, you 3 people reading my blog), will be like "ohhhhh I LOVE Paper Moon, why did it take so long for you to discover it?" Well, see, I have a slight problem. I grew up in a household where 1920-1950 was the ruling media age. No Simpsons, no Rugrats, no to a lot of things. Never watched Star Wars or The Breakfast Club. I know, I KNOW. What a sin against humanity! Well I have seen The Thin Man, Casablanca, And Then There Were None, Arsenic and Old Lace, My Man Godfrey, The Maltese Falcon, The General, and every other influential movie up to 1960. So chill. I have the same amount of knowledge, just in a different era.

Now in case you haven't seen it, Paper Moon came out in the 1970s, hence why I haven't seen it. It's a great take on the Depression era and strays away from the traditional "everyone was nice, Mama was great, Paw was an upstanding gentleman, and there was no such thing as whores or bootleggers." There's this con-man, Moses (Ryan O'Neal) and a little girl/boy Addy (Tatum O'Neal). Her mom dies and he gets stuck traveling with her cross-states to take her to her only kin. Because its the Great Depression and he has a car. And ain't no one else payin' to send some whores kid away.

The thing is, he owes her $200. And until he gets it back, he's stuck with her. The black-and-white film and filming techniques do a great job convincing you the characters' are really stuck in that era. The depiction of the Great Depression's poverty is so raw and real it is almost unsettling, but the plot is sweet. It is a weird mix that I really appreciated and thought worked well.

And the ending. Well let's just say it is perfect. Not overally sad, not overally happy, it just is what it is. So refreshing.

4.8 out of 5 stars. Watch it!

Skalley-wags

2010-09-28T18:40:00.001-04:00

My favorite class this term is ECON 698, Economics of Social Justice. While its super interesting, its a lot of reading.

I got cut from work early on Sunday, and thank goodness because apparently I accidentally stole and iPhone and didn't even know it. Talk about out of it. So ANYWAY, around 10 I went to the bar down the street to visit a friend, drink, get some food, and celebrate Sunday Funday. I sat at the bar by myself and kept reading my homework in between bantering with some of the servers and bartenders.

These two cute dudes sat down next to me.

I proceeded to ignore them.

Mad Mex clothes + Mad Mex stench + Mad Mex attitude = NOT DOING IT.

After about 90 minutes, one of them started talking to me.

"Hey, what are you reading?"

"I'm reading about economics and religion in historic Europe. Basically, this Chapter is about why Jewish people are considered stingy and rich."

"Oh, where do you go to school"

"Drexel"

"Oh, me too! I'm going to be a doctor!"

"Cool. I'm getting my MBA."

"Soooo, how are you going to remember what you're reading after four beers?"

"You're counting my beers?"

"uhhhhhh"

"I'm an alcoholic. And I have homework. This is my solution. It's not like I'm ever going to be operating on anyone."

We talked about other things but I was disenchanted and I really really needed to finish the last 2 pages before I passed the productive part of my drinking.

They left. Finally.

This was only one of my random stranger conversations this weekend. Generally, I shy away from them, but being a server negates being shy. I had another conversation about what Drexel kids think of Penn kids. This was my take:

"I mean, there's always exceptions to the rule, but in general, Penn kids are snobby, always right, the most important people in the room, and they can't order correctly, be polite, or look at you like you're a human being. Then they wave Daddy's Black 5 lb Amex card under your nose and proceed to tip you 10%. And that's how I feel about Penn kids."

Me and the 911 dispatcher got rull close this weekend too. Some dude puked all over his lap, chugged a beer, then asked for another one. After being told "no, get out" he proceeded to almost start a fight. And here were his parting words:

"its all cool when a dude comes in and spends all his money but as soon as he starts puking it's like dude get out!" (now, replace dude with the n-word...uh, yeaaaaa). While he and his 15 person posse were waiting for all the employees to leave the building, he fell off a ledge and couldn't move. I politely went over and said "hey guys, everything okay? need any help?" "nah man nah"

Okay. Dial 911.

Twice.

Cuz they started fighting.

Like the dudes on Friday who tried to start fighting with the kitchen guys at 1:30 a.m. "I'M FRESH OUT DA FEDERAL."

Oy.

So, what I learned this weekend:

Jewish people have that rich/stingy stigma attached to them because back in the day it was considered immoral to lend money at interest to people. Back when the Christian church ran things. But since Jews were going to hell anyway, they could lend money to anyone. And then, because they were rich and hated and had a common language, they started dealing in small goods, like gems and gold because those things were easily hidden and available/valuable all over Europe.
People are uncouth, unpredictable, and they suck a little. Or they're really cool. There's just no way to know, and there's no way to avoid the stupid ones.
This new work schedule may kill me. Or cause me to kill.
If a table hands you a stack of dishes, and their iPhone is inbetween two plates, its still your fault that the phone got "stolen" even if you return it.

Fortunately, I have class all week and I can learn even more. My brains are starting to fry....

Maximizing Utility

2010-09-23T11:30:00.000-04:00

And there it is folks, it's all in the title. Ima geek for economics. Which is why I'm "concentrating" in economics for my MBA. In fact, I'm concentrating so hard on it, that I have to take 3 whole classes.

At the breakfast table, the blonde wouldn't stop staring at the orange juice container. Why? Because it say "100% concentrate".

Ba-da-dum! Thanks, I'll be here all week!

On a side note, grad school has actually helped me become smarter. I walked into the classroom I thought ECON 698 was taught in, looked at all the young, eager, fresh-faced kids, realized that they were in no way grad students, and left. They looked at me kind of funny, but I ended up in the right classroom before the embarrassing "this class is BLAH 666, so if you're in the wrong classroom leave now. Let's do roll."

Anyway....utility = happiness in economics. For 5 years now, I've worked 30-45 hours a week while taking a full class load. In the nine months I have left of college, I'm going to work 25 hours a weekend, and take the weekdays off. And while I may not be happy this weekend flinging margaritas and wing jawns at people, this week has been one of the happiest of my college experience. Hanging out with my cat (Nelly) and doing homework. And sending ridiculous emails to my roommates.

For example:
----------------------------------------------------------
Subject: the reason why nelly has three names
To: my roomies

http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/tseliot/5536

bahahaha i wish i had actually planned this.

---------------------------------------------------------

The link is to TS Eliot (and no Google, I did not mean TS Elliot) and his poem about why cats have three names.

My cat's name: Nelly Shaniqua Furtado.

I really do wish I had planned it.

ANYway. There is no substance to this post. But, maybe tomorrow? OH WAIT. 17 hour shift tomorrow. Maybe Monday! If I can find time between hanging out with Nelly and sending my roommates annoying retarded emails. I lead a rough life. I know, I should write a book and sell the movie rights to Lifetime.

Headlines You Should Read:

Walmart has Saboteurs

What PA should do

Jimmy Eat World's New Album Rocks (and so does Liz's new blog header)

What Justin Bieber Said

What Kurt Cobain Said Back

Trapped in a Box

2010-07-20T17:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know. Slacker. Right here. Haven't been blogging. And I called someone out for not blogging during my fan-tabulous D.C. trip (which my host, Dave, should be guest blogging about soon). There are a few reasons why, and I suppose I will try to explain my current frustration with people and the interwebs.

1. I feel trapped. I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, yet. I'm in grad school (what comes next, I haven't decided!) and I have a long list of things I want to do. For instance, take a tour of all of the major cities in the U.S., then abroad. That takes money, as most of my endeavors do, which is frustrating and upsetting, seeings how I have none.

2. I don't want a real person job. So I've slacked on looking and slacked on interviews. I feel bad about that, but somehow I'm hoping it'll work out. Hence me working on a business plan. Ya know, in all of that spare time I have lying around.

3. People are really fucking inconsiderate, most of the time. Obviously, this applies to little parts of life and to big ones. Like...global warming. Most people don't care right now, but their grandkids definitely will. Also, the simple things. Like....oh hey, I have my hands completely full of really heavy looking things and you just let the door slam on my face. Thanks for taking the 0.5 seconds you saved by not helping me and applying them to solving world hunger. I HOPE.

4. I'm moving! And packing! And paying extra than I'm used to for rent! And throwing/giving a lot of stuff away!

5. Class + Work = Packed Schedule.

Anyway, tune in for more later. But instead of updating 3 times or so a week, I'm going to cut down to about once a week. There may be more enjoyment in it for you and me that way.

<3.

(Also, happy 21st birthday Loretta!!!)

PIctures Are Sometimes More Eloquent

2010-07-07T15:46:00.000-04:00

Here's a shocker - I've been to a lot of bars lately. Some marketing guru somewhere thought it would be a great idea to put advertisements in the bathroom. I mean, what else are people gonna try to read while they are in there? Not many people take comic books or regular books into a pub's restroom with them - that just downright says "I'm an alcoholic who can't leave the bar long enough to take a dump at home."

Luckily, I always take my phone. One of the few reasons I would like a smartphone (specifically an iPhone) is so that I can do "check ins" on foursquare.

Because I want a free taco at a bar that charges 75 cents for a Miller High Life.
Classy. Lady. Right. Here.

This is in the bathroom at a local favorite bar of mine, Local 44. I'm not sure why I took a picture of it or what it says. But it was funny at the time. Maybe just because it was in the bathroom. Next time I go I will take a better picture. It's a one room bathroom so it's not like I should've been rushing to get the picture in for fear that someone would see me and think I was strange. [Like that doesn't happen all the time anyway].

Here are the two token pictures of my trip to AC. Don't ask about the first one. I must've been the same level of drunk for the last picture and this next one. Same night. No judgies.

Ya know how it goes.

Yea, we were there for the sunrise. All of my friends said "ahh, how romantic." I told them to shut the hell up, it was about as romantic as me trying not to toss my cookies at brunch. It could've been. I'm just a little dense.

The next picture is a throwback from June. My friend saw it on Facebook and was like "will you take pictures at my wedding? I love the filter on your camera."

Little did she know the recipe for that filter is a $25 Kodak digital camera and a bottle of carpet cleaner leaked in a purse and shaken around.

At least that could be my wedding gift to her. Much like these chairs were a housewarming gift to me from my parents. Four chairs, $16 bucks, and dragging them around a thrift store, up the street, to the Ford Focus later....

...we're going to have to chain them up in our backyard. Our neighborhood has not gotten any safer. Two shootings and a cop stabbing later, this is a regular day in our 'hood.

At least Nelly is still alive. And as cute as ever.

In This Body You Will Live

2010-07-06T11:48:00.000-04:00

So, I've been boring lately. At least on here. Apologies.

It's just that there has not been a whole lot going on.

[LIES.]

My weekend was crazy as usual. On Friday, I had a random night off. I went to First Friday's at Portside (the Tattoo Shop that Loretta works at). After a few free glasses of wine, and meeting Liz's friend from NYC, Jessica, I went home to chill with a few friends over cheap sangria. At about 1 a.m. I went out to a bar to have a drink with a friend. As a drink oft does, it turned into one more, another bar, and then a random trip to AC.

I do this thing often where I really try to hang out with EVERY SINGLE PERSON I know within a ridiculously small amount of time. So with a two hour nap, I went to brunch with Liz, Jessica, and Pogo. Maybe I'm crazy, but I really wanted to get to know Jessica a little bit better. Liz and her are blog/real-life biffles, so I know she must be awesome. Sure enough, soft spoken yet outgoing, Jessica was an amazing person who I hope to hang out with again soon (minus the sleep deprivation).

Later, I went to work, got really sick, made $80 and went home. For the fourth of July, I spent most of the day in bed, then at work. Made a lot more money from the drunk/thirsty people who drifted over to University City after the fireworks. Yesterday and today, I've been cleaning and preparing for my mother to come visit.

So many things have happened. Smitty, a tattoo artist from Olde City, a very close friend to some of my friends, and the guy who did my second one, committed suicide in his shop, not 40 yards away from Portside. Suicides leave so many questions unanswered and I just have to wonder, why? And what happens afterwards? We know that among the world of the living they leave a wake of despair and clean-up. Guess no one can ever tell me for sure what happens in the world of the not-living.

At brunch, Liz said something along the lines of "yep, in a few months it will be three Type-A people and me living in the house together." Okay, call me stupid (some people did), but I didn't know I was a Type-A person. In case you don't know, here's a quiz. I scored a 280, in case anyone's interested.

See lately, I've been trying to figure out who I truly am (cheeeeesey) and I've been seeing the large gap between what I think and what is.

The next few days are hectic, but expect a graphic novella soon.

By the way, besides making mad money on a holiday at work, we celebrated with a few after drink beers on the patio while our manager/bartender, B set off some fireworks. So, yes, I did have some fun.

Compound Interest

2010-07-01T00:31:00.001-04:00

Do you know about this thing called compound interest??

If 233 years ago, George Washington had taken the silver dollar he erroneously threw into the Delaware River at Washington's Crossing and invested it in the stock market at the average return rate of 9.4%, he would've made...

Wait for it.

In fact, just guess.

How much you say?

You didn't use a calculator, right?

If you did, you cheated.

He would've made...

$2 billion.

If 233 years ago, George Washington had put that silver dollar into a U.S. government bond, with an annual average return of 3.9%, how much would he have today?

I know, you are going to guess more closely this time.

Because $2 billion felt like out of the realm of possibility.

I mean, that's A LOT of money.

Not that he could've spent it 233 years later.

His great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren could've though.

Just think, instead of the Vietnam Memorial or the really tall one that looks kind of phallic, we could've had a giant set of wooden teeth statue.

Or good old George could've come back from the dead to spend that money on an iPad. Oh, Apple would kill for that kind of marketing.

So how much do you think he made?

It's a simple formula really. FV=PV*(1+r)^n.

I think.

Anyway, he only would've made $4,747.

Or thereabouts.

Womp Womp.

So, what I think is that maybe the higher return is worth the higher risk. In finance and in life?

And who said grad school was a waste of time?

There Are Only Stupid People

2010-06-28T15:58:00.000-04:00

Last night at work, there was a group of dudes at the bar. The bartender served them 2 drinks a piece. After not receiving a tip, the bartender refused to serve them anymore.

"Yo man, why aren't you serving us?"
"I don't work for free."
"What do you mean?"
"I said, I don't work for free. You didn't pay me so I'm not going to do anymore work for you."
"But we gave you money for the drinks."
"Yea, and?"
"Oh, you want a tip?"
"Yes, that would be my rent."
"Okay, here's 10 bucks. But don't you get paid by the hour."
"Nope, and I'm still not serving you. But thanks for the 10 bucks."

....if they had 6 drinks, the bill would've been at least $45, so $10 was probably sufficient. But these guys come in all the time and never tip. So they owe a minimum of $100 to be remotely back in the restaurant's good graces.

I heard this story and really wanted to talk to these guys. Sure enough I got my chance. The next time I went over to the computer to ring in a drink order...

"HEY GIRL. Can you make drinks?"
"I can, but I'm not allowed because I don't bartend here."
"Oh."
"Well guys, what's up?"
"He won't serve us. You guys really don't get paid hourly?"
"No."
"Well he's the one who chose this job."
"Yes, but he's trying to get a job as a teacher. He just graduated. And the money's good when people follow the tradition tipping method."
"grumble grumble"
"Listen guys, you can choose not to tip, that's fine. But we can also choose not to serve you. So go somewhere else."

I walk over to a table to introduce myself, and on my way back over to the bar, these guys are leaving. I see the one guy take a margarita I had rung in earlier off of the service bar.

"HEY! That's not your margarita!"
"Oh sorry. Whose is it."
"It's mine, give it back."

I take the margarita from the asshat and they leave. The next customer interaction involves the cops and a license plate number and an identification.

They say there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. Unfortunately, I think it's the majority.

Never as They Seem

2010-06-24T19:24:00.003-04:00

I may not have learned much in ~~life~~ college but I have learned this - things are very rarely the way they seem to be. I also learned this - never say never or always - that ensures a True/False question to be False. Therefore the title of this blog is false. There, one right on the test of life already.

There are two key things I want to leave this world doing. One: leaving a wake of good change. Two: when people remember me, I want them to feel good. Once I was told it's not about what you do while you're alive, its about how you made people feel. And I want people to laugh so hard they are crying when they remember me.

I feel as though I've been failing at both lately. I know at least one person that would agree with me.

So, I'm doing a few things to help myself out. (With all my helping people you would think I would've come up with this whole "help myself out" thing before. Just. Not. That. Introspective.)

1. Hanging out with myself.
2. Starting/helping reunite TBC.

1. People find this weird. Why? I'm not sure. I simply go outside, sit in the sun, get a tan, write a little, stare off into space, and think about things. Like....What if someone felt hot as cold and cold as hot. So something really really hot felt like ice? But, then what about something tepid? Lukewarm? OH WAIT. What if the scale for feeling was BACKWARDS. So that a gas stove burner felt a little cold, while something mildly hot felt super cold. But then what about tepid things? THE END OF THE WORLD?!?! Space monkeys come down and rain havoc on the human race. Their weapon of choice being water guns shooting lukewarm waterice from Mars?

I am well aware that people probably think I just made that up to be funny. On the contrary, it was a real subject of contemplation.

2. TBC - The Bitches Coalition. I'm not so sure about the name, but it is definitely something that grabs people's attention. For awhile now, Liz and I have been talking about starting a movement to help girls with self esteem and bitchiness issues. For instance, every girl has something about their physical appearance that they don't like. It's either the nose, the hair, the body, the feet...its something. And so often it interferes too much with the normal day-to-day living. Confidence, hating other girls based on looks, etc. Do I need to explain the bitchiness issues?

Anyway, I was discussing this with a friend at work and she mentioned a club her friends used to have - TBC. Some fun ideas later, she took the horse by the reins and now the project is going full steam ahead. Let me know if you have any useful insight - also check out the blog.

One week of grad school is over, nine weeks to go. Lots of work is ahead, so these two things are all I can handle on top of a ridiculous work schedule.

LET'S GO USA (futbol/soccer). (In case you've been under a rock and haven't seen the chatter about the World Cup).

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

2010-06-22T12:08:00.002-04:00

While at my brother's graduation, I got a little distracted. Obviously...those ceremonies are long. So I did something I haven't done in a long time...cloud watched!

While I didn't take a picture of the elephant cloud, I did take a picture of the balloons they released.

I also took a picture of the chipmunk that was mounted on the football field's goal post. Seriously? WTF?

Later that week when we stopped to see my 90 year old grandma, we were greeted by the ugliest cat ever carrying around a chipmunk/squirrel thing like above.

My Grandma may be a little unsteady on her feet and suffer from dementia, but she has this uncanny knack for plants. This uncanny knack brings an almost scary talent where she can simply look down, bend over, and pick up a four leaf clover. No lie.

She couldn't see the graduation pictures on my 13 in MacBook, but she totally just spotted the 4 leaf clover.

I did a lot of traveling during vacation. My friend Dave drives a mini-van. I'd like to make fun of it, but it's awesome. However, it has the biggest hole in the rear wheel well I've ever noticed.

At my friend's graduation party, I was a tad bit nervous because I was getting drunk and her parents were present. However, after her mother unveiled the extremely beautiful graduation cake and then proceeded to swipe a corner of it on a chair, so I stopped being nervous.

During the party Pogo and I went to go pick up some supplies. We encountered two interesting things on the way.

Soymilk juice box like thing? Yes, please.

Who wouldn't go to a convenience store that had a sign that said "you are beautiful" and took Visa and Mastercard?

Later in my vacation week, Liz and I went to Rittenhouse park. We got coffee (I loved the napkins) and stared up at the sky.

I've been told I have a doppleganger in the city; someone people mistake as me and then later are like "WHY DID YOU IGNORE ME ON THE STREET" while I explain I was at work all day. Even my best friends do this.

I've also seen my bicycle doppleganger and have been very happy that my bike is cooler (yes, I'm vain like that). I've always wanted to stop and take a picture and I finally got the chance at the train station when I parked my bike super close to Clementine's doppleganger.

(It's the orange one. Clementine. Get it?)

After vacation it is back to the grind of work. Luckily, when my manager inevitably makes me cry I can go into the bathroom's second stall and look at some great graffiti.

Oh, the truth that lines the bathroom walls.

(Thanks Loretta).

And So It Begins

2010-06-20T12:07:00.004-04:00

[Graphic Novella didn't happen, but it surely will this week.]

Grad school starts tomorrow, but really it starts today as I'm reading something called "The Well-Paid Receptionist." It's hard to believe that we've completed four years of college and are now starting grad school. By we, I mean Pogo and I. (When you think of Pogo, think of Neil Patrick Harris as Barney). This dynamic duo - we are "Team Awesome" - has been together since freshman year. I don't remember how we became friends, but I do remember the first week of freshman year. I was shy (& was severely self conscious) and this one kid was in ALL of my classes. He didn't seem scared to talk to anyone and everyone seemed to like him. I decided it would be advantageous to make friends with him. So Team Awesome began. And it opens up its' fifth chapter in ALL of the same graduate classes.

Right before our first graduation ceremony, I looked back on all of my facebook photos (since I was lucky enough to have fb when it was only granted to college students). There is one picture of Pogo, Jack, and I standing over a laptop arguing about a business simulation called Mikes Bikes. (My team totally won, bitches). We look SO YOUNG. And we've come so far.

That's the funny thing about time. So much changes and so much stays the same. I'm not worried about grad school because I have Team Awesome. And I'm not worried about finding a job because college has more than prepared me. I am worried about settling. And becoming older. And finding myself. And all that. And being motivated enough to finish grad school.

Because let's face it, the motivation runs thin and the apathy runs deep when you've been in school for the past 18 years of life.

I will try to bring the humor back next week!

[Since its Fathers' Day, I would also like to say thank you to my father, whom without I would have had no motivation to do anything productive with my life. He will (hopefully) never read this, but I love him dearly, and most of the good things I do in my life are completely and totally because of him. So, here's to you Dad, you've single-handedly made me a better person and have indirectly helped all of the people I've ever helped. Thank you.]

Weak off

2010-06-17T16:57:00.000-04:00

I have a week off. So I'm taking it for all it's worth. No blogging (until Saturday when I will compile a Graphic Novella).

Things I've done in my free time:

Drink. Drank. Drunk.

Turned 22.

Watched:
Big Bang Theory (5 stars)
Dear John (2 stars)
I Love You, Man (3.5 stars - super awkward)
Charlie Wilson's War (4 stars)

Got Twitter (Yoko Ono is following me!)

Biked. Everywhere.

Worked.

Went to graduations, dinners, and celebrations.

Cleaned. And did laundry.

Ignored bill collectors' calls.

So, until Saturday...

Graphic Novella Time

2010-06-10T23:17:00.002-04:00

Because I could not possibly relate to you in words what I am feeling right now...PICTURES!

I took a week off of work because I was too burnt out to continue without punching a lot of customers in the face, screaming "EFF YOU, I'M HUMAN TOO, AND I QUIT" and walking out. After ordering a bunch of unwanted food for every single table in the restaurant.

Enuff said.

So I drowned my sorrows in shopping. In the process I watched my lovely roommie Liz wrestle with a size 2 mannequin.

And then hosted a weekend of debauchery with my good friend David. We had shots. Lots and lots of shots.

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY POGSTER!)

The next day, I got a call about an old car who had a flat. Ah, Ford Probes. What a lovely heap of junk. It was my first car and I loved it dearly. Got in lots of accidents. However, my car looked much better than this one...probably because I got rid of it 4 years ago.

We stripped the nuts. Just jack it up! SO MANY EUPHEMISMS, SO LITTLE TIME.

So we made it a drinking game. Another reason why I love West Phill-ay.

Later in the week, I soberly travelled home to witness my brother's graduation. We were at the dinner table celebrating our family's 3 birthdays, 2 graduations, and Fathers' Day all at once. Lots of opening of gifts. My mother yelled at my little brother about leaving the price stickers on my older bro's present. Then proceeded to hand out these gifts to her three children.

Note the present price sticker. She frantically started ripping the gifts out of our hands to peel the stickers off, only for my ~~smartass~~ lil brother to point out the price was in Australian dollars, not USD. (The reason the picture was so blurry was because I was fighting my 62 year-old mother off of me, after she knew the sticker was not in USD. That's how opposed she is to price tags on gifts.)

Needless to say, it was one of those bust-a-gut times when you're not supposed to laugh, but you just have too.

Being in Central PA is kind of relaxing. I forgot how much I missed having a car and blasting music. And how much I love buying fresh food from the Amish.

Oh, and how much I love the cheap ~~drugs~~ stuff.

I hope you looked carefully at that picture.
If you didn't laugh, you didn't look carefully enough.

My time in Central PA comes to a premature end as we are all traveling back to Philly for my graduation Saturday. So, until then, here is the token photograph of Nelly. Playing/eating a piece of paper. Not just once, she was going at it ALL WEEK LONG (twss?)!

I think it's safe to say she will never graduate from school. But here is photographic evidence that the cat can eat my homework.

FIN.

Tattoos & Scars

2010-06-04T15:35:00.002-04:00

Throughout our lives, we obtain injuries. Some are mental, some are physical. We all can trace the years through a series of scars all over our bodies. We can also trace the years through the tender spots that surface throughout our psyches.

I can show you the huge gash on my shoulder from when I was four. It must have bled like a geyser out of Yellowstone. However, I cannot tell you how it got there, and neither can my mother.

Occasional panic attacks outline the after effects of a traumatic attack three years ago.

On my wrist, there is still a faint burn mark from the too hot plate of waffle fries I carried out to the patio for my dear friend Gilbert last year.

Ridiculous amounts of guilt still wash over me from years of being emotionally poked and prodded.

A scratch from my cat Nelly left a mark on the back of my hand. It's not completely healed yet, but there is a guaranteed 2-inch scar lurking.

All are scars that I bear continuously. None I chose. They all outline the way I have lived and what I have endured. Happiness, sadness, friendships, bad decisions, and lost love.

You could even say I've been tattooed with them.

I've intentionally tattooed myself twice. One every few years, to document my life, where I'm at, what I like. At least I get to choose these. And they're pretty. I avoid visible areas to keep myself professional, but not because the world dictates it. I want to hide them. Reveal them when I feel necessary. But they're always there for me. And I control them. Always. There is some relief in that.

In the future there will be scars. C-sections, surgeries, cuts, scraps, burns, stretch marks, broken bones, and countless episodes of hurt, despair, desire, lust, love, euphoria....But I can regret nothing because of healing.

Healing is a mandatory part of a scar, without it, a scar is just a huge, open, festering wound. The healing process is something to be proud of. Because without healing, you die.

So I regret nothing. All the scars I can live with, because I cannot live without them. They have become an integral part of my being. The ones I have chosen, and the ones I haven't.

I just hope I can continue healing.

It's Summertime & The Living's Easy

2010-06-02T13:06:00.000-04:00

Things I couldn’t flesh out into full entries:

The internet is ending. No, seriously. It is. CNN said so. In other news, the supply of fresh seawater and fresh oil is almost depleted. They will now be mixed. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yoko Ono is usually blamed for the end of the Beatles. My roommate Liz informs me that Yoko Ono did NOT make the Beatles break up because blah, blah, blah (sorry Liz, I didn’t pay attention, I was focusing on sangria). However, had the Beatles not broken up when they did, they might be look back upon like the Backstreet Boys – some catchy songs but should’ve ended it while it was good. Oh, wait. What did the Backstreet Boys sing again?

Since when did interviews get so intense? I had to take a test. It was like the third grader version of the GMATs but still! At least it went fairly well, here’s to hoping!

Work has been super slow lately. All the Penn kids have left and I am stuck with making $85 on a weeknight (excluding Friday) instead of $150. I was extremely bored the entire time. At least I got to watch the Flyers game Monday. Oh, and write an Art History paper. Oh, and play 14 rounds of hangman. Oh, and eat a million and one donuts.

Anyway….I didn’t bring a book to work Monday because I didn’t know who was managing and whether or not I would get in trouble. I will not be making that mistake tonight though. While I was buying my cap and gown ($100 by the way, WTF) I found “Waiter Rant” in the bargain bin. HECK. YES. So excited to read it.

And last but not least, let me add that this is my last week of undergraduate classes. I’m rather torn up about it, as I usually am when leaving something so familiar. Every year, my birthday falls during finals week. Normally, I just celebrate and don’t study. This year however, college has given me its first gift.

ALL of my finals fall directly on my birthday. But, because I’m a graduating senior, I don’t have to take any of them.

Dear University,

Thanks for removing the shaft as a final farewell & happy birthday gift by exempting graduating seniors from finals which all fall directly on my birthday.

Here's a check for $8,000 for my first term of grad school tuition.

xoxo,
Andrea

Beach this weekend??

Graphic Novella Ahora

2010-06-02T00:20:00.000-04:00

Despite sitting through a three hour interview today and drinking entirely too much sangria, I bring you the second graphic novella. Everyone I know is miserable right now. It's the end of a college term with more classes to come. Doesn't that just put a damper on everyone's mood? It's SUMMER. But it's so hot. I changed outfits 4 times today. And I'm still sweaty. Sitting in my air conditioned room. Because it's that muggy. Thank you Philadelphia.

Everyone is miserable because we haven't figured our lives out yet, we feel stuck in an unfulfilling life with futures that are neither what we expected or dreamed. Will we ever be happy?

I'd be a lot happier if I didn't have to see this butt-crack at work before my 12 hour shift started.

Dude was just randomly on the phone outside my job, in the Grotto, which is where we all hang out and ~~drink, do drugs~~, make phone calls and sit before our shift starts. He moved immediately after I took the picture which caused my co-workers to say "did you get it?!" and being the creeper I am, of course I did! God forbid anyone buys me a camera that does well with "action" shots.

Honestly, all I've done the past few days has been a lot of work and a lot of drinking. Being completely unmotivated to finish my last few assignments, I've been making bad decisions. Like...

Scooters is an absolutely legitimate bar. I mean, c'mon, look at the wood paneling outside. And "Ladies Night" $3 appletinis? Absolutely high quality. We only charge $2.25 for Ice Tea at my corporate joint after all, $3 probably buys Rohypnol too! And I don't know who that Jay Rider is, but he probably doesn't expect a lot of ass at the end of the night or anything....

Let's just say, every "Ladies Night" I've gone to has ended in a puddle of puke in front of my stoop. True. Story.

But I do enjoy drinks like this.

(Strawberry Mojito - Sava's - $4 - DELICIOUS.)

This.

(Long Island in far too large a glass. Oscar's - Dive Bar - Center City Philly - Do you even have to pay for drinks at Oscars? Definitely less than $5.)

And this.

Yum beer! This is my kitchen manager at my general manager's going away party. It was sad because nobody really liked the guy. The KM offered to drive me and another co-worker "home". The KM was in the middle of pointing out the hilarity of telling the lame manager we were leaving to go "home" when "home" meant 3 other bars, I pointed out the fact that he just passed a "Road Closed" sign.

Favorite quote ever:

"Well, I'm not drunk, but I would definitely get a DUI. So...we're gonna go over the sidewalk instead of going in reverse."

That gets you a disapproval look.

After a night like that (and by that I mean a shot and beer at every stop and a loss of money and dignity) my stomach wants nothing more than greasy Chinese food. And if it's veg, even better.

Seriously, look at that cabbage bowl. Delicious.

And as always, we'll end with a Nelly snapshot. Because my week really wouldn't be complete without her.

Cuteshit.

Have a good hump day!

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T14:06:00.000-04:00

It's Memorial Day and I have to work. So, here are to promises of a Graphic Novella tomorrow after my job interview and before I pass out from stress and lack of sleep.

Also, something I've been contemplating lately. Thanks friends. I've been super stressed out since the day you met me, have promised to call and haven't until months later, been short, snappy, absent, and generally a mess when I finally met up with you at a bar. Or been blacked out in front of your parents. You've asked me what was wrong and I have declined to answer. You haven't called Intervention for alcoholism or excessive TV watching. When I say I hate everybody, you take it in stride and assume (correctly) that I don't mean you. So, thanks. For real. From the bottom of my heart.

There is so much more I wish to say to you, thank you for, give you hugs for, and buy shots for. Soon, it will be over. Not our friendship, but my stressed out state. I'm taking huge strides and if all goes well, in about three weeks things will be back to normal. Which is something you've never experienced, so get ready!!

Enjoy the holiday!! Day drinking and pool parties and barbecues!!

(Thanks soldiers.)

Discussion Points

2010-05-28T15:09:00.002-04:00

Honestly, I'm addicted to TV shows. So in the 29 minutes I have left before work, I'm going to watch an episode instead of blogging. But, I did want to bring up a few points of discussion first.

1. What do you think about this quote from Andy Warhol about Coke?

What’s great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it.

I feel like this is a good insight. But I want other's opinions. It's an interesting topic. Sidenote: JFK was the pres at the time. Him and Liz Taylor - bumchicka-wahwah.

2. TV shows you must watch. Weeds. Arrested Development. How I Met Your Mother. Breaking Bad. I had a 45 minute conversation at the bar about TV the other day. I felt kinda lame, but everyone else seemed into it.

3. I've gotten farther down a good path than I ever thought I'd come. I'm not yet ready to discuss it but I've realized three very important things in the past couple of weeks. A) I'm cute. B) I'm the only one I'll be with forever. C) I AM a good person. Despite all the sarcasm and hurt and creeperish tendencies and anything else people think about me.

4. Life plan thus far = Sept 2011, California. Sept 2012, Europe. I'm moving around, up and down.

5. Cuddling with no expectations is great. In fact, it may have renewed my faith in men. And touching people.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Comics and Whatnot

2010-05-26T13:35:00.001-04:00

I may be going insane. Or I may be hungover. Or I may be going through nicotine withdrawal. Or I may just be burnt out. Or all of the above. (If this was a multiple choice question on the exam of my life, the correct answer would be the last option.)

So I'm just going to share some hilarious comics I've found over the past few days on the internets. I was going to blog about how I hate bread, but the humor in me is as dry as a post-menopausal woman's...hair...GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

But put it back in the gutter for this one:

Now substitute that orange looking thing with this bitch:

Isn't she adorable??

Next up, to compliment my roomie Liz's blog post about boys and our countless conversations about how Disney/Hollywood ruined our expectations for a perfect boy:

We were right. It was all bullpoop. Speaking of poop...
I told two friends yesterday that poop is super important. Depending on what comes out you are either healthy or not. Because Scrubs told me so.

For your reference, here is a chart of poo.

You're welcome.

These last two are self explanatory and I have no good segwey for them. I just don't want the last thing you take away from this edition of Stooptime to be poop. Just so there are no unconscious pairings going on.

I'm toying with the idea of deleting Facebook. But I would need moral support. And a peer support group. And another networking outlet.

Steve Jobs? Bill Gates? What you got cooking in those little tech companies of yours?

Asshats. (Thanks for making this blog possible.)

Enjoy this Wednesday. It's super warm. OH, and don't forget to hold your breath until 10 p.m. Apparently the air is toxic right now. Air Warning #1 AND #2 are in effect people!!

You'll Wanna Fall Asleep

2010-05-24T13:35:00.000-04:00

Dreams are really weird things. I was talking with a roommate the other day about dreams. They’ve been having really vivid dreams and expressed some sort of disgust about it. I agree. Vivid dreams suck. Mostly because it’s really hard to separate dreams from reality, even after you have had your coffee. Also, sleep is supposed to be an escape from reality, so having reality in your sleep is a huge slap in the face.

Once I was seeking help for PTSD and because I was having a lot of trouble sleeping, we (me and a dude that had a degree in brain waves) talked about dreams. Apparently, the average person dreams anywhere from 3-5 times per night. In fact, it is impossible to have a healthy brain without dreaming. But, a lot of people don’t remember their dreams. I remember more than average. In fact, just from last night I remember two dreams I had. I still remember a dream I had when I was 4 years old. And the reoccurring nightmare of the large boa snake lying on my floor from the age of 6-present day. Among many other dreams. Luckily, there is a science of dreams, known as oneirology (thanks, Wikipedia).

So, using the “dream dictionary”, I deciphered my dreams. But I'm only telling you about the second one. Otherwise you'll die of boredom. (Pictures added for your enjoyment).

I was standing on a beach, receiving a tour by the same guy who guided me through Chile. The beach was definitely not in the U.S. The water fascinated me. The tour guide commented on the million pictures I took and I told him the water was just really, really pretty because it was super blue. We walked around (the sand was hurting the blisters I currently have on my feet) and met up with another friend (Loretta) and while we were hiking around the beach, there were two seals lying in the sand sleeping. They weren’t dying or anything, just relaxing. We got pictures. Then I woke up.

Apparently, the beach represents two sides of the brain: the beach (rational mental processes) and the water (irrational, unsteady, emotional). Oh hey water, hey, I totally relate. Since I was contemplating the beautiful yet scary water, it means that I have major and unknown changes occurring in my life. No shit, Sherlock.

The tour guide is an acquaintance that represents aspects of myself I’m still trying to get to know. The good friend is parts of my personality that I have rejected but am ready to acknowledge. Loretta, apparently you are going to have good news soon to tell me. I cannot wait to hear it.

The seals that we saw represent playfulness, good luck, success, prosperity, faithful friends, and spiritual understanding. So, Loretta, this dream is good news for you!

P.S. Sand covered seals are really gross looking. At least they were in my dream. Probably because I hate the caked texture of sand. ANYWAY.

The two thoughts I’d like to end with are:

1. The word “dream” is one of those words that look and sound really strange after looking at it more than 5 times in a row.

2. At the beginning of this post I thought oneirology was bullshit. Now, I’m deciding if it’s bullshit. Either way, it’s interesting. For me. Probably not for you.

Go take a nap.

Wine & Spirits

2010-05-23T18:39:00.001-04:00

Every time I go to the liquor store, I meet the nicest people. Fortunately, because I reside in the lovely state of Pennsylvania, my only option to buy wine and liquor by the bottle is at a Wine & Spirits (state owned and run) Store. Also, fortunately, they are open until 5 p.m. on Sundays, and I get off work at 4 p.m. Boo-yah.

The nearest W&S is in a slightly sketchy spot. In fact, I plan my bike ride home based on avoiding a bad area that may be faster, but also much more dangerous. I think this is why I meet the nicest people. I have two theories about people in the ghetto being nice. 1) If they don't have a gun, they're nice in case you do. 2) They want money. Sometimes.

Case in point - a few alcohol runs ago, I was running a little late. It was 8:45 and the liquor store is supposed to stay open until 9. As I ride up to the store, they already have half of the store-front caged off, and the only thing open is the exit door. Assuming they were closed, I started turning around, but the nice bum let me know they were open. He also watched my bike. So I gave him a dollar. And the next time I was at the liquor store that late, I helped a couple out with the same information. The lady was screaming at the dude from the car. I think the dude really appreciated it.

Anyway, I have like 15 more stories, but they are all little and dumb. And, I have this wine to finish. There's a bicycle on it!

Yea gurl.

The Clarity Astounds Me

2010-05-22T09:22:00.002-04:00

Clearly my hiatus from drinking was not long enough. For those that don't know, or who didn't notice, I've taken an extended leave of absence from drinking in public because of my tendencies to do lots of really embarrassing things that I can't remember.

Luckily the only part I (hopefully) can't remember from last night is after I got into bed. By myself.

Luckily my BRAND NEW LAPTOP that was upside down on the floor was still working today too.

The only thing I'm super worried about is being completely smashed in front of one of my biffles parents. Why did I go there?!

Also, why does ANOTHER random old dude have my phone number? I can't even remember what we talked about. I have to stop. Geez.

Guess that's what those gigantic Long Islands will do to you. Oh and free booze all night long.

Congratulations Loretta on finishing!!!! Sorry you're best friend is a drunkie and could only post 3 pictures on facebook to commemorate the event.

I will hold onto hope

2010-05-21T08:37:00.003-04:00

Let's hope this is true. I don't think it is.

For instance. In Sex & The City 2, Carrie Bradshaw will be using a HP. An promoting it. Along with all the other characters. After HOW MANY YEARS of using a Mac. Cool. Do the opposite thing, just switch from a Mac to a PC. Shatter everyone's hopes and dreams and sense of right and wrong. Go ahead. Do it. Damn Hollywood, you are so cruel.

Money grubbers.

Next Fred Flintstone will be selling cigarettes instead of vitamins and mac & cheese. Oh wait. That already happened.

I will hold onto hope and I won't let you choke, on the noose around your neck.

(Mumford&Sons)

News in a Nutshell

2010-05-20T15:59:00.000-04:00

(I want to preface this post with saying that this is a satire. Because I say some very opinionated things in here that could be taken as hate towards Philadelphia or the government. But really, I get all warm and fuzzy inside every time I think about both subjects. Damn, I just can't stop being ~~satanical~~ satirical.)

At Loretta's last night, we watched Law & Order SVU which was immediately followed by an ad for Law & Order LA. Seriously L&O. Seriously? Why don't you just name yourselves PDA (Police Department/District Attorney), team yourselves up with CSI and ~~whore yourselves ou~~t start investigating in every city. I may be biased and angry based on the fact you are getting rid of Stabler. Stabler. The person everyone fantasizes about. How are you going to replace him?!?! (Who else would be immediately attractive after getting raped?!?!)

After SVU was over, the news came on. They enticed us with several interesting pieces which I immediately (and cynically) told Loretta would be on at 11:55, instead of 11. Since they went straight to the stuff I wanted to hear, I'll regurgitate it here. In a much more interesting way. Also without a fake smile on my face. Seriously. Frowning. Right now.

First up was about our lovely city being in movies. For instance, Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro are filming The Dark Fields here now. And guess what?! My friend is in the movie!!! He got to meet Bradley Cooper and do a whole scene with him! Super duper exciting!!! I wish I was an actress sometimes. But I know I would just look at Bradley Cooper with please-do-me eyes and never get a word in edgewise.

My friend was not on the news. So moving on. Pennsylvania apparently provided about $74 million in tax breaks to the film industry if they film the majority of any production in PA in 2009 (and every year prior). This helps with job security and getting Pennsylvania on the big screen. This year however, the budget has already been allocated to projects currently (or soon to begin) filming. Therefore, filming crews blocking roads and sidewalks and bike lanes will be significantly reduced...until PA gets their priorities straight and stops giving money to the public school systems. (Come on, we already shut down the libraries, let's just get rid of kindergarden~~ers~~. Who needs ~~them~~ it?)

This filming loss is obviously tragic for Philly since things like "Rocky" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" keep this city running day-to-day. Who will we look up to now? And what will the public do if there aren't random green men running around the city?!

How about Sir Richard. That's right. Next item in the news was about Sir Richard's Tavern. Conveniently located on 44th and Lancaster Ave. Apparently an ex-convict owns it and it is number 4 on Philly's Finest's "most dangerous/most police calls and visits for a bar" list. I'll tell you what. Why don't you come over, and we'll hop on the 10 Trolley. $2 and about 30 seconds later, we'll be there! Afterwards, we can make all the bad decisions we want to because on the way back, the 10 Trolley will drop us off right in front of an abortion clinic. Don't worry they're real cheap. It costs about $5, as long as they don't have to wash their hands and can keep the fetus in a jar for kicks and giggles. It's only slightly illegal.

It's about as illegal as Sir Richard's Tavern. I mean, they only run a small amount of drugs and only a little more guns/ammo out of there every week. I'm sure they'll hook us up with a few free shots. Alcoholic. Maybe.

That's the furthest Loretta and I got in the news department. I bid her adieu after beating her pants of at Wii Golf and rode off into the darkness while contemplating how cold the beer at Sir Richard's would be.

What I should have been contemplating was the new poverty estimate. For a family of four, $60,000 a year to scrap by. In Philly that is. In Ethiopia they'd probably be rich. Just sayin'.

Picture Story (Graphic Novella?)

2010-05-20T00:33:00.002-04:00

I always take a lot of pictures with my phone and mean to post pictures. But I never do. However, tonight I finally uploaded the 139 camera pictures I had. So get ready for a very random and telling graphic novella of my life.

My biffle went to a tattoo convention and all she got me was this pretty bag! And a great magazine to read! Aren't the birds awesome. Also, the bow can be removed depending on how girly I feel at the moment. For instance, if I'm going out to pick up guys - bow on! If I'm going to kick some ass, bow off!

Speaking of bags. I did NOT get this at the thrift store last Saturday. Mostly because I have no plants to water. Also because there's no removable bow. Fail.

Speaking of thrifting, a penny saved is a penny earned. Have you seen the new pennies? Come on government. You couldn't come up with anything better than a superhero looking emblem.

Somehow that was better than some memorial to some president. Okay, Abe Lincoln. You know, the reason there's now someone who isn't white in office now (yay diversity!!!). You, you government paid "designers," are as dumb as this mouse. Who I stomped around and poked with a stick. He didn't think I could do any harm to him. In fact, he acted like a cat and just sniffed around and groomed himself. Oh, to feel invincible.

No, there's no zoom on my camera phone. Maybe there is. But I don't know how to use it. Heck, I can't even handle calling people sometimes. However, I can handle creeping. Like this girl, who I took a picture of at the bank. She didn't notice when my phone made the "click, I just took a picture" sound on the highest volume. But everyone behind me did.

I mean, she just looked ridiculous. I HAD to document it. Yes, I may or may not have a problem. I admit nothing. I also had to document my first pet, Tina, and her adorableness. It's hard to bear the thought, but she will probably die soon. I've had her since 5th grade. How freakin' cute is she??

Oh man, my heart hurts just thinking about it.

And now for the stellar ending (and don't worry, this is the last of the graphic novella...for now...) I bought this lovely skirt today at Ann Taylor Loft (ATL) where my roomie works. Isn't it cute?

FIN.

Help, I'm Alive

2010-05-19T13:11:00.001-04:00

"A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Obviously Mr. Holmes never heard of drugs.

Anyway, for the past hour I’ve been filling out exit surveys for undergraduate soon-to-be graduates. Maybe I’ll win an iPad. Or get $10 off my cap and gown for this year. In hindsight, I should’ve just walked in next year’s graduation, as I will be receiving no degree this year and two degrees next year. But you know, whatever. Everyone’s all hyped up to go already so they can watch me walk through a dumb and long ceremony to validate my accomplishments. However, I will feel much more accomplished next year when I’m enjoying a 3 week vacation in Europe as my reward for completing 18 years of school. Hello Amsterdam.

Since I’ve worked a billion days in a row, here are two videos from class I’d like to share.

The first one is about the new X-box 360 Project Natal. OMG watch this video. It’s ridiculous. Next step up from the Wii. Let’s discuss this later.

How cool is that. Next one, you’ll only enjoy if you like Economics. And rap. But it’s hilarious. Yoto showed it to us in International Trade class. What a funny Bulgarian.

I’m off to drink 156 more cups of coffee and sling burritos and margaritas. After class.

Cheers!

As the world falls around us

2010-05-18T18:57:00.003-04:00

Let's focus on the good things in life.

Mumford and Sons was an AMAZING concert. Besides seeing the geniuses sing their awesome compositions, I got to witness an amazing "Liz" moment. The lead singer's guitar string broke and the band was killing time as it got fixed. Making conversation to "relate" to us Yanks, the guy says "Yea, and I saw the liberty bell. Not as big as I thought it was going to be." (In a Bri-ish accent. Awesome right?!). And in that one moment of almost complete silence, Liz turns and says "guys, that's what she said!"

Proceed to laughter.

After the concert we (Pogo, Liz and I) went to the park right behind Independence Hall and "ate a sandwich". Good times. (HIMYM reference. Anyway.)

Onto different things. I have a job interview for this week or next week...if the guy ever emails me.... And if I don't get the job/don't actually have the interview I'm starting my own business. Screw it. Everyone else is doing it. Besides, who wants to work a stuffy office job while in grad school? I wanna eat sandwiches all day long.

I can pay grad school tuition in one shot. As in, I can probably afford most of grad school rather than getting loans. Not as in I can go to the bar, order the most expensive shot and that's the end of grad school. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Good things....good things...

I'm going to work soon, so the list has to stop. But here, enjoy this Lady Gaga video. Done by (relatively) straight dudes. It's awesome. And good!

Liz, get your work done! You can do it gurllllllllll!

We love to talk on things we don't know about

2010-05-18T14:58:00.003-04:00

I'm not ready to graduate. I'm not ready for the real world. Don't get me wrong, I'm so sick of classes and pointless exams and endless homework. And I can totally survive in the real world. No doubt.

I just don't want to.

Mostly because I have no idea what I want to do or who I truly am. When people are like "oh, what are you doing after graduation" the people that can't find themselves say "Peace Corps. [insert bumblefuck country here] is gonna be so fun. The people really need help there." Everyone knows that they are just delaying things and trying to immerse themselves in a completely different culture and feel good about it at the same time, without paying a large sum of money. The Peace Corps are a great idea. My answer to the dreaded question however is "grad school."

What I'm actually going to do is sort out my morals, values, and beliefs and try to figure out a way to live in harmony with myself because this dissonance is getting super annoying. Like a Cascada song on repeat when you're trying to sleep.

First things first, I'm giving up a shift at work. While I plan on quitting the restaurant job that eats my soul away bite by bite in June, for now giving up one shift could drastically change my outlook on life. Who needs to work Sunday morning anyway. It's only like a $7-$100 day anyway. And usually I'm super hungover and stressed about all of the schoolwork I have to get done before midnight. It's not the solution I need to "finding myself" or whatever, but it will be a small start.

For now, I'll plan on being happy eventually. I also plan on owning my own island and laying in a hammock for at least 3 months out of the year, sipping sangria and listening to music mixed with the sound of the ocean hitting the beach.

In other news, I'd like to pose 3 questions.

1.) If a family friend sent you a $100 check as a random gift, would you feel guilty cashing it?

2.) I saw a professor's facebook page. His profile picture was a shirtless portrait. Interesting or weird? Also, fired or hired?

3.) Liz, did you finish your homework yet?

More posts later. After grad school orientation.

No Buns

2010-05-12T13:31:00.004-04:00

Last night as we were eating a healthy dinner of tzatziki, pita, and roasted vegetables, the subject of KFC's new Double Down sandwich was brought up. A bit too drunk to remember what I had read in this article earlier in the day, I told my roommates I'd blog about it and tell them how wrong their outlook on life was today.

Let's keep in mind this sandwich

is also available in grilled form. However, vegetarians are out of luck.

Everyone is ridiculously offended that the sandwich only contains meat and cheese. In the words of a highly intelligent friend "what's next, a Big Mac where you have to hold the burger patties?" I just want to point out, this sandwich is only missing the buns. Just like the iPhone is only missing press buttons. No big deal.

However, the sandwich in its deep fried glory is only 540 calories. Only about a 1/4 of what a sedentary, old cat lady would have to eat per day to keep a constant weight.

Yes, you can find me munching on this is 60 years. Don't judge.

I'm sure the sodium and cholesterol is outta this world. However, overall the sandwich has done very little to cause such an outrage. Many diners across this world produce way more unhealthy things. Think about the eating contests that boast 3 lbs of meat per meal. No good sir, no good.

KFC will be done serving the Double Down in about 2 weeks. However, have no doubt that other fast food chains will come up with similar offerings. Arby's being last since they just recently introduced a "value" menu. Way to jump on the bandwagon like 4 years after every other fast food chain ever made a dollar menu. And like 18 months after the worse of the recession.

So in two years expect an Arby's sandwich consisting of only roastbeef, cheese and curly fries.

I AM SO HUNGRY.

Random

2010-05-05T13:11:00.003-04:00

There is a theory of life being just random moments and memories that our brain connects together to form meaning.

I partially subscribe to this theory. Mostly because my life seems like random moments that come together to form something some people would call a life.

For instance:

Biking home from the grocery past 18 party busses full of assholes. Or soon to be drunk assholes. Random biker guy says at the stop light, "ya know if I had a helicopter with missiles, I would only shoot party buses." Amen sir, amen. Let's be awkward at the next light when we meet again. And such is life.

The boy that got me a new MacBook Pro (yea, after I write this I'm totally watching a tutorial on how a Mac works before I go to class). "Andrea, I've been in love with you since second grade." I replied in kind "I wasn't even born then." I was joking, but then we did the math and it was true. Who's the asshat now? And such is life.

This morning as I was fighting with myself about whether or not I was actually going to get up on my fourth snooze alarm and go to class, my cat started whining and was the catalyst of my shower. Running down the stairs late, I fed said cat, then realize I have a flat tire. About 30 minutes later my roommate couldn't find his wallet and we were both late for our respective obligations. Was it because we won't marry Jews? And such is life.

Why won't we marry Jews? Because we're not Jewish. There is nothing wrong with being Jewish. I have a lot of Jewish friends. In fact, one of my best friends is Jewish. But later in life, as a couple, you would have to attend certain events and decide where the kids will go to school and .... leads to problems and arguments. I want to avoid as many problems in life as I can. Therefore, I will also avoid marrying into the Muslim faith. What of it. And such is life.

When I was four, I pushed my little one-year-old brother on a swing and he hit his head on the supporting pole. Bled for hours. He got held back in kindergarden. My fault? Maybe. Probably not. He's fine now, going to Penn State in the fall. And such is life.

In art history we argued about whether or not this is art.

Is it? It's by an artist named Duchamp and it's called The Fountain, done right after WWI. No one knows who R. Mutt is. I would argue that it is, but had Duchamp signed his real name, it wouldn't be. But, where does this fit into the universe? In MY life, I should have been an art history major. But shit happens. And such is life.

Instead of working at a Mexican restaurant on Cindo de Mayo, I would much rather sip a beer on my stoop and contemplate this thing we call life with my three best friends. Guys, let's work on this.

Cheers.

Mi Amigo

2010-05-03T12:51:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking about growing up lately.

No really, I've been thinking about the past 4 years that I've spent in Philly and all of the people I've met, worked with, partied with, and formed connections with. Literally, the past 4 years has been a huge growth experience that many people from my town never got because they haven't left the county since they were in high school. If I ever leave, I know I'll lose touch with a lot of people, but there are some I know will always be around...

My friend Dave came up this weekend. He lives in D.C. and is by far the most ridiculous person I know. Not bad ridiculous. Ridiculous as in - the MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS HAPPEN TO HIM EVER . Dave is a pretty normal guy, he's super nice and we get along great. Definitely someone I plan on keeping around forever because he has one unique talent that I need to learn - he makes partying productive and random. Oh, and he's the only person that will never say no to a good time. (Oh, and a BILLION other reasons).

I want to publish the ridiculous stories he tells me that (are super hard to believe but I know) are true. Alas, he would probably go to jail on about 25 different counts of things ranging from murder to grand theft auto to cartel running. In fact, last night as we were in the middle of a group of friends drinking, I heard him say something about finding a card. I immediately knew that he was the person I read a news article about where some dude.........see I have to stop here. Because I love Dave. And I don't want the cops bustin' down my door and force feeding me truth serum until I turn in someone who is harmless.

Moving on, I just got a new MacBook. It was delivered a few hours before Dave randomly decided to drive to Philly because he was supposed to move but then his landlord randomly decided to let him live rent free until August. SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS DUDE?!?!?!?! Luckily, Dave knows a lot about computers and hooked me up with stuff (what stuff, I have hardly a clue, but I pretty sure he's the reason I have any software). While he was doing this, we were partying like non-other. In fact, when my roommate got up to do the Broad Street Run (what a healthy asshat) he was amazed that we were both still up with Dave bent over both a PC and a Mac and me bent over a Cap't Morgan bottle......

What my roommate doesn't know is the one random (AND COMPLETELY LEGAL) thing that happened to us. So we were sitting on my stoop at 4:20 a.m. (okay, I may have lied about it being completely legal) and we're listening to the birds chirp, talking about Dave's antics and my blog and a publishing deal (we determined this will never happen due to the whole jail thing...maybe when the statue of limitations runs out on every crime ever committed...or when hell freezes over...or when pigs fly...). All of the sudden we hear a whizzzzz, PLOP! and see a bird that has just fallen out of a tree about 10 feet away from where we are sitting. I tell Dave we'll wait 10 minutes before we go over to take a picture just in case whatever killed this bird and made it fall out of the tree wants to eat it. We took a gazillion pictures.

Twenty minutes later the bird was gone. The sidewalk was clear of all corpses.

WTF.

The moral of me talking about Dave is that I had an entirely unproductive (but I have a laptop that works perfectly so semi-productive) weekend which included two trips to the liquor store, very little sleep, and Dave. If I was a crazy (oh, wait) I would be hating on myself for not getting stuff done. Luckily, I applied for a job today. Just one. But hello productivity!

Non-Alcohol: A Problem?

2010-04-29T18:50:00.003-04:00

I heard something interesting the other day. Burger King is going to start serving non-alcoholic mimosas. With a brunch menu.

I worked at BK for 4 years. I find this hilarious/annoying. If I was working at BK, I would be super annoyed. The non-alcoholic mimosas are OJ and Sprite. The point of fastfood is that it is fast. The employees have to be able to reproduce the same product over and over, very quickly.

So this is the problem I have with non-alcoholic mimosas. Sprite comes out of the soda fountain. Automatic stop, easy peasy. OJ does not come out of the soda fountain. It comes out of a carton. And there's a recipe. Not so good for the normal lowly educated worker. Unless they put together some pre-made stuff. Which WILL suck. Or kick off a soda fountain tab to add mimosa/OJ, which will still suck for the workers. I spare you the horrible details.

Moving on. This is hilarious because:

"The idea of Mimosas and brunch go hand in hand, and we thought it would be a clever and unique way to enhance our morning beverage offerings."

However, watchdog groups such as Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and the Marin Institute -- which monitors the alcohol industry -- are not as pleased.

"This normalizes to children at a young age the idea that drinking is fine to do, and something we do everywhere," Michele Simon, the institute's research and policy director, told Brandweek.

BAHAHAHAHA. Hilarious. Teach kids early about alcohol. And condoms. Maybe they'll listen and grow up and use both.

We'll see if this idea does well. Read the full article here.

Alcohol: A Solution

2010-04-29T18:22:00.003-04:00

Last night at The Pit (dingy, underlit, can-smoke-inside, after hours kind of bar) one of my coworkers said "I have something called a drinking problem." I responded in kind "It's more of a drinking solution."

Well maybe it's both.

Obviously, I did not update my blog. Go figure. Real life happened. And stuff. There was probably alcohol involved. Not gonna lie. Will do it soon. Soon being anywhere from tomorrow until three/six months from now. Eventually....we'll leave it at that.

In the meantime, I want to talk about my "connects". And dumb boys. I know, I know, how do these relate? Well....sit back, take a swig of rum, at let me tell you the story.

There's this new boy. And as always, my mouth will ruin it. NOT IN THAT WAY GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. My issue is I work with this boy, and I canNOT help but have mouth diarrhea constantly about him and how much I would love to.........well, ya know (you may now insert your mind back into the gutter) while I'm AT WORK. And he's there too. Unclassy, unprofessional, and I'm a little disturbed by myself. So I have made a pact to stop talking about him. Period. Done. Fin. At work. At the top of my lungs.

Anyway.

This boy has a tattoo. And we hung out the other night and ended up talking about tattoos. Luckily, my bfffffffffxinfinity works at a tattoo shop! Which mean I have a connection that he can make use of. That we can make use of together actually, which makes my end goal all the more attainable.

So now this boy thinks I have a lot of connections. He brings up a good point. I know a lot of people, I meet a lot of people, people like doing things for me and I like hooking people up. So maybe I have a few connections. Showcased in the fact that I'm getting a brand new MacBook Pro for $875 instead of $1200. Which is AWESOME. If I can figure out how to work it.

My solution to the boy problem is alcohol. On Sunday, I shall get a lil tipsy, go to roller derby, hang out with all of my awesome friends, impress him with my awesome friends and maybe awesome outfit, and then drunkenly make out a lil. Maybe. If I can grow some imaginary balls.

Can some of my "connects" help me out with that? Doubt it.

My real plan: to do nothing. I have no idea. And I hate thinking about boys. Ima ride the wave and see what happens. If anything does, I have no doubt a little liquid courage will help me out a lot. Otherwise, I'm resting on my laurels. And my connections. Thanks guys.

Oh, Priorities

2010-04-21T12:58:00.002-04:00

Currently in class listening to a very boring, but important and confusing lecture that will be very helpful for the massive homework assignment that is due Friday. Instead of paying attention, I'm currently downloading a program so I can upgrade my blog's template and personalize it because I really really want to.

And that's where priorities come into play. My highest priority is my happiness.

Last night, my friends got into a second, less heated conversation about buying things vs. doing them yourself. For instance, my friend got a bike tire changed for $8 instead of buying a tube for $5 and doing it himself. He paid for convenience. And happiness. And he could afford it so he did. And once people have money, they are more willing to pay for convenience. Another example: no one needs an iPhone. But it's super convenient and cool, so people are willing to spend the extra money.

Anyway, I have no idea where I'm going with this blog post, and my program has just downloaded, so by Saturday I should have a whole different thing going on here. Thank goodness. It's time for a change.

Unwaxed Poetic

2010-04-20T03:34:00.003-04:00

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted in desire

I hold with those that favor fire.

But if I had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

Mondays and Wednesdays kill me. Every. Single. Week. I'm exhausted. And this morning I got called out by a professor. So far, we've turned in one assignment that I failed horribly because I just forgot to do it and we've taken exactly one test. After he was done handing back the assignment and test together, he pulled me aside and told me he expected better from the way I participate in class and carry myself. The girl sitting next to me (we're those "oh hey how ya doing let's sit by each other so we can wake each other up all the time" friends, not too close but very handy) got a worse grade than I did on each paper and all she got was a little "eh, do a little better". Why? How could my professor tell?

My work friend told me today "you're just not good at hiding your intelligence." Which I suppose is fair, but I'm not sure why. What is it that makes my intelligence come out? Especially at work? Slinging burritos and margaritas isn't exactly rocket science. In fact, most of the staff is inebriated (in one way or another) most of the time. The other half are just plain lunatics.

And the way I talk? I don't pronounce many words right and I also have a slightly limited vocabulary. (Listen, I grew up with a Southern dad, a Pennsylvania Dutch mother, the first three years of my life I heard Long Islanders speak, and then I spent most of my education in Central Bumfuck PA - talk about a myriad of accents). And I have annoying habits like saying "anyway" ALL OF THE TIME as a conversation ender/segue. Or "so" or "well" or "uhhhhhhhhh, so yea".

Plus, I picture most really intelligence people as well dressed, on time, studious expression, eye contact, normal social skills, and sort of conservative looking. I am always wearing a restaurant T-shirt and cut offs with ugly black sneakers. I am perpetually 15 minutes late. Mouth open, eyes unblinking does NOT count as a studious expression last time I checked. Eye contact? What's that? Normal social skills? I was awkward at so many tables to day. The awkward was palpable. As for sort of conservative looking? I have 4 to many piercings and the attire on that I mentioned above.

But I do have this going for me: people do invite me along places because they wanna hang out and make decent conversation. Intelligent people are required for decent conversations. Therefore, I must either make decent conversation or be intelligent. Right?

Oh, logic.

Toy with me not!

I believe you,

I just don't know.

- Andrea

It's the End of the Beginning

2010-04-17T22:39:00.002-04:00

If you're a 20-something you may be running into the end of the beginning. I'm graduating for the second time in my life, but this is a much bigger end of the beginning. College is awesome. Day drinking, chillin, napping, classes, all your friends living with you and running into you everyday. It's like leaving a community. Luckily I'm easing out with grad school...

Anyway, the transition sucks. But hopefully the next part will be better.

Time has Escaped

2010-04-14T11:35:00.002-04:00

My life is busy. And I've been feeling unmotivated to write blog posts. Mostly because now I only have time to write one a week and I have about 24,690,712,999 topics I'd like to post about in a week. I work about 36-42 hours a week, go to 19 hours of class, and when I get an hour of free time, drinks and TV are in order.

However, I have about 20 minutes to waste because I finished a test early. A test in a class that I have been called out for sleeping twice. The first time (picture the professor talking in a jovial Bulgarian accent):

"An-drey-a, am I boring you?"
"No, sir. I'm just super tired and didn't have time to get coffee because walking in late to a class just because I got coffee seems rude. Yes, I walked in late without coffee because somehow that made more sense?"

The second time (after break in the next class):
"An-drey-a, coffee really helps you, eh?"
Timid smile and a "cheers" motion

While I forgot to do the homework and probably recieved a 50% on it, I definetly nailed that test to the refrigerator door.

In other news, has anyone else noticed the skimpy clothes girls should NOT be wearing? I get a lot of chances to people watch because I have random 10 minute breaks when I sit outside with my roommate Liz while we complain about boys and classes while laughing at people who look ridiculous in short shorts. Do these people not own mirrors? At the same time I hope no one judges me as harshly because Lord knows I frequently forget (don't have time) to shower or look in the mirror. Yesterday I almost came to campus with one eye maked-uped and the other one not.

Oh boy.

Off to class, then work. Maybe another, more interesting and funny post tomorrow?

Doubtful.

Slainte!

Needs a Notebook

2010-04-01T18:46:00.003-04:00

This one needs....a new liver. AND a notebook. AND a better work schedule with more money and less work. Preferably.

I feel like the only thing I can do about the above list though is buy a damn notebook already. Cuz a liver costs a little bit too much. And the only way to do the last thing is find a sugar daddy. And I tried that already. It was fun, but....well, that's another story for another day.

About the notebook. I have a lot of ideas for blog posts. And for potential businesses. But I fail to write them down. Or if I do, it's on the back of a receipt from Wawa that gets thrown away with the bag, or covered in cat poo when I clean out Nelly's litter.

I love her and I love business ideas and I love blogging. But I'm not digging through ammonia and cat poo to pull out a receipt that may or may not have a million dollar idea on it. Or an entertaining one. I feel like it crosses a hypothetical line that I feel sometimes needs to be thrown down in my life so I can toe at it.

Anyway. I need a notebook. One that fits in a messenger bag and has a spot for a pen that I can't lose.

If I had a notebook I might be blogging about a ton of things. Such as:

1. Having a notebook.

2. Central PA and my awesome adventures there.

3. Cultural differences among races in urban areas. The melting pot paradox if you will.

4. How I love my spiffy, hipster-looking notebook.

5. Funny or ironic things. Like Hiney Hiders.

6. How I have a perfect entrepreneurial personality. (We're talking about it in class...characteristics: hates failure, obsessive, works over 60 hours a week, competitive, etc).

7. About how I didn't have a pen, but I had my notebook, which means I had a pen.

8. The other 37 ideas I had for interesting blog posts this week while I didn't have internet.

9. How I need a job. And ideas for getting one.

10. Schmandrew Schmangle mangles management. Or bathroom graffiti. Which would lead me on an interesting/slightly eccentric discussion about murals in Philly.

11. How jealous I am of my best friend's notebook. Actually all of my male best friends' have notebooks that make me green with envy.

12. My new work crush. Who is adorable.

In lieu of writing about any of those 11 things, I'm going to go back to "paying attention" in class. This term will surely kick my butt. Yay graduating senior!!

It's the Small Things

2010-03-29T15:15:00.008-04:00

I have about 15 minutes to get ready and get to work, so today's post will be short. I promise more scintillating posts later. Like tomorrow. Or whenever Comcast (Xfinity) chooses to grace me with the internet service I pay more than $100/month for.

Have you ever been in the bathroom and heard someone randomly giggling? Like there's something to giggle about in the bathroom. There's stalls, sometimes graffitti, underwear, a chance that mother nature gave you a gift (ladies), a fear of farting, some TP and not a whole lot else going on. Chances are if someone is giggling it is over a text message or it's me, laughing at something like this:

Haha, Hiney Hider, haha. Someone is funny in the marketing department.

Okay, hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go!

String Theory

2010-03-24T10:38:00.002-04:00

I have long prescribed to the theory that life is a string of decisions. Surely, your life will go one way or another, be mostly bad or mostly good, but a lot of it depends on decisions. Decisions you make, your parents make, your grandparents make, you neighbor, government, phone company, friends, and random stranger make.

Lately I have been making bad decisions.

However, I did finish the term with a 3.72 GPA. The only class I got a B in was Economic Development. I got a B because I made a decision. I decided not to study - ever. Besides the 10 billion hour research paper that I wanted to stab my eyes out over, it worked out well for me.

But it was still a "bad" decision.

It was a bad decision that worked out well. Now, you tell me why I've been so confused about life lately? Looking at my life as an outsider things are gooooood. But I will be the first to tell you - my life right now is in shambles and I'm having a quarter-life crisis and day-by-day all I want to do is get up and disappear, go live in Greece or somewhere warm and sunny and be a day laborer.

So bad decisions that return good results may be bad decisions still. I mean, what makes a decision bad? The reason for making it or the outcome?

For instance: I'm in Central PA currently and this morning I had the newspaper with my Kashi cereal. The front page headlines are as follows: Buy Cooking Tickets for Some Class, Biden Swears on National Television, Three of My Classmates from Public School went to Jail, oh and yea, They Passed the Healthcare Bill.

Some of those are funny for obvious reasons (come on, who thought local cooking classes were more important than the Health bill which was passed awhile ago?) but three of my former classmates got arrested.

Mostly for burglary, assault, and drugs. Not the smartest people, not the smartest decisions.

I also found out two of my former co-workers (who were my age, one has a kid) got arrested and landed in jail - for drugs.

So, maybe the most important decision of my life was leaving this small town and getting out into the big city. And the next most important decision of my life may be moving out of Pennsylvania into the great unknown (read: West Coast/Europe/South America).

Or maybe the next big decision will be picking a career that won't suck. Who knows.

So what do you think? What makes a decision bad - the reason for making it or the outcome?

There's a light

2010-03-10T18:19:00.002-05:00

At the end of this dark, dark tunnel. Finals are approaching. Or should I say final. Yea, that's right, I only have one!!

Unfortunately, I have about 10 hours of research to do. Tonight. Right now actually...

Sorry I've been slacking on the blog. Work has been killing me but I've been making lots of money!! It doesn't quite make up for the fact that I'm so tired I want to crawl into the fetal position in the bottom of a closet and stay there for a week, butttttttt at least I'm not broke. Yes - if I owe you money I'll pay you on Friday!

The real reason I've been slacking is the fact that my life is a mess right now. While I don't mind airing dirty laundry once in awhile, I'd at least like to gather it up first and figure out what still fits and what doesn't. In other words, I have a lot to blog about, but most is too personal, sappy, dirty, or just plain depressing. For me at least. You'd probably get a kick out of it!

Ahhh, I remember what I wanted to say! Winter has broken here in Philly!! It may be cold a few more days, but we had BEAUTIFUL weather the past few days and spring has definitely knocked on winter's door. As always, spring will win out in the end. And it brings me a small ray of hope. For something.

I think I'll buy skates.

But first, I need to do mounds of research for economics. If you need me, I'll be stabbing myself while sobbing uncontrollably over my laptop.

I'm not just slacking...

2010-03-04T02:55:00.002-05:00

...my internet really hasn't been working lately. Why? Well, I have an oooollldddddd laptop. As old as father time. It's almost a preschooler - really. And the wireless card needs updated. Or some setting needs to be changed. Or something.

I took a class in computers once, no really I did....

End of story - something's messed up, and until I update my wireless card I can't do anything about it. So what I am doing with this precious sprig of internet time? I writing a blog post about how I can't write blog posts because my laptop is in it's terrible twos, threes, AND fours.

Also, I'm working approximately 40 hours a week and going to college full time. Last week I worked 46 hours. This week is 36. Next week is 40. I'm tired.

In the meantime, please visit http://envisioncolorcontest.com/gallery/entry/85 and vote for my friend to win. She is awesome, and she could really use the money - i.e. she works AND goes to school.

While I might have fixed the problem since I wrote this at 3:00 a.m. yesterday, it's still all true.

Kloveme.

Melatonin and the Circadian Cycle

2010-02-26T04:35:00.004-05:00

Working at the restaurant has completely messed up my sleep cycle. It is currently 4:30 a.m. Recently, I've been waking up between 4 a.m. and 6 a.m., doing a bunch of homework, then going back to sleep. I mean, there's not much to do at 4 a.m., not a lot of distractions, and if I'm wide awake I might as well be up doing the work I don't have time to do otherwise.

Now the questions is, do I want to take melatonin or some other sleep aid to help me out? For now, I think the answer is no. For one thing, I put enough shit into my body, I don't think another hormone is a good idea. For another thing, if I didn't have random bursts of energy at 4 a.m., I might not be able to handle life.

Now, to share something I found rather hilarious. Lyla, Liz, and myself hung out the other night in an epic tale of awesomeness (not that anything extraordinary happened, but we are pretty much the shiznit). We happened to purchase pineapple soda to mix with vodka from the corner (ghetto) store. I pulled it out of the refrigerator.

So obviously, looking at the bottle I was like "Cool, Large 2 Liter. What makes it large?" I looked on the labeling, saw that the bottom said 2 Liters (67.6 fluid oz). So, I was confused, and I told Liz and Lyla that.

Then I turned the bottle about 45 degrees clockwise.

BAHAHAHAHAHA. It's 100% more than a 1 Liter. BAHAHAHAHA. Makes TOTAL sense now. That's why it's a "big" 2 liter. I feel like the pineapple soda had a little issue with it's size, so it compensated by using different labeling. I like it, it's a lot more productive than a lot of other over-compensating...did I just say tha...wha???

[And now an apology to my two biggest blog fans for rehashing exactly what happened the other night. To be fair, I warned you. XOXO]

In other news, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GO TO CHILE FOR FREE!!! I'm trying not to be super excited about this prospect but I totally am. If I get picked, I get to spend a week in Santiago blogging about life, for free. Yes. I am stoked. Let's see, one week working at the restuarant vs. one week in Chile. Blogging. For free. And drinking. Lots. For free. And taking pictures. For free. It's like they are offering a deal tailored specifically to me. Free booze, food, nice hotel, warm weather, and all for the small price of blogging. Which I love doing anyway. Bring it on. Here's to hoping.

Currently the weather is snowy - and Nelly is my only distraction. Isn't she adorable?

Or she would be adorable if you could see ANY picture of her where her entire body didn't look like a giant black blob.

Off to finish my homework and then go to bed. I'm pretty sure Economics will put me to sleep, if writing about the European Union doesn't do the trick.

Random Thoughts

2010-02-25T16:59:00.003-05:00

1. I'm really superduper hungry.

2. I'm superduper bored. In class. What IS he talking about? I have no idea but this International Business homework will be done soon.

3. Should bring laptop to class more often. Good distraction tool. And it looks like I'm taking notes.

4. I like snow. Especially when it doesn't stick to the ground. I mean, come on, it's better than rain.

5. My second day off this week, working for the next 4 days in a row is gonna suck. But I'll have money to fuel my alcoholism.

6. It's sad that my favorite blogger got fired from her job because she blogged about it constantly. But, her job sucked and I'm happy for her. I even trekked to Washington DC to meet her. Secretly glad I got on the wrong bus and didn't make it because I think it would've been weird to be like "HEY, I just came from Philly to meet you. Now I'm gonna be awkward and hang out in a corner with my half-price beer and my new 2b1b sticker which I will cherish forever."

7. I love my darker hair. Next rainy day, I'm totally doing it again.

8. I hate when corporate comes to our local restaurant. I could've left at 2:00 a.m. instead of 2:45 a.m. this morning, except the effin dude from corporate would not stop drinking and got drunk and would've yelled if we did last call early, even though there were NO CUSTOMERS left. What an asshat. He also yelled at me for pulling the straw wrappers off the straws because "your hands are dirty."

9. Do you know how many things are dirty in that restaurant. My hands will touch multiple "clean" pieces of silverware, we literally just wash glasses with hot water, there are fucking mice EVERYWHERE, someone found a bucket of mold chillin' out in a refrigerator, and my hands will touch every effin, gd tortilla chip that people eat. And when he yelled about me about the straws I thought of all of this. And instead of making an argument and inevitably making life harder for everyone, I said "blokay" and continued pulling off all of the straw wrappers. Fire me. Do it. I dare you.

10. I still have no idea what the professor is talking about.

11. I may get a free weeklong trip to Chile in 3 weeks. Go me.

12. This homework needs to get done. I wonder if I could pay someone.

13. THAT guy is in Atlantic City for a few days, and after another weekend (emotional) roller-coaster ride I'm over it. Obviously I still care and do not mind making the occasional(ly frequent) hotel stay-over but I'm over wanting a relationship. Thank goodness. It's just not me, especially when there's no future involved.

14. The other day he waited to meet me after class and got a $26 parking ticket. Oh, sweet irony.

15. I promise a better, more coherent and paragraph full post later, when I don't feel like a braindead, overworked, hungry, hungry hippo.

16. 30 minutes left to not pay attention and do my homework. Good luck.

Mumford and Sons

2010-02-23T02:55:00.005-05:00

Music is awesome. You can hit pause, play, skip, and repeat whenever you want. Oh, if only all of life was like that.

My best friend Pogo downloads all my music. He is my music guru, my music muse if you will. Every couple of months or so, he throws about five albums my way he thinks I'll like. Since I spend the majority of my time at class or work (this week 46 hours of work, 19 hours of class, 5-ish hours of homework) I can only handle so much at a time, and I sure as heck don't have time to filter through all the crap by myself.

Currently I am about halfway through listening to the "Sigh No More" album by Mumford and Sons. I really, really, really like it. After a few passive listenings, I needed to actually listen to it. So I'm sitting here at 3:01 a.m. after work listening to the album and reading the lyrics. Beautiful. Heartfelt. Awesome.

And because of my current relationship status, which is as usual complicated (to say the least), the lyrics are even more meaningful.

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
At my heart you see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Not saying that I was or am in love. But, I have been thinking a lot lately about the distinct lack of truly loving relationships in my life. I mean, I'm in college, people are flaky, and with no significant other or strong family relationships - I'm pretty much just existing. Don't get me wrong, I feel very blessed to have five "best" friends. But...something is lacking. Maybe I need a hobby or I need to volunteer somewhere. I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

ANYWAY. It's my new jam.

Moving on, chatroulette? Have you heard of this?!?! It's crazy! My friends at work get drunk and go on this site that randomly connects you to other people via a webcam session. You can hit "next" at any time and connect to a new person. Apparently it's mostly men, some penises, some pedophiles, boobs, creeps, drunks, and druggies. But, it has endless possibilities for idle or drunk people. I don't think I could handle it alone, but in a group it might be a lot of fun.

I'm going to leave you with this. Lady Gaga's Poker Face, done as an ice skating routine = awesome.

Here's to a good week. Slainte.

So About That Tip

2010-02-22T02:34:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me. The people that go out to eat and fail to leave a tip over 10%. A lot of servers in Philly bitch about tips less than 20% because we are spoiled. Philly is the highest tipping city in America. 20% is a norm. However, the clientel that my restaurant brings in are the scum of this earth...so our average tip is about 15% - which means we either get screwed or we get 40%.

Let me explain...

Many people who have never worked in a restaurant just don't know how it works. Servers get paid $2.85 an hour, or something similar (at most restaurants - some pay a living wage which is more around $7/hr, but those are few and far between). Servers usually get tipped on the sale amount, including specials, and tip out on the gross amount which doesn't include the special price.

Again, let me explain...

There's a host that seats the tables, the busser who busses the tables, and the bartender that gives the people their drinks. All servers have to tip out these people on the gross amount, not the sale amount. That means that if someone leaves a 10% tip on a happy hour or special price, the server just paid to serve that table. Yea, they just lost money. Don't believe me? That's fine. It's still true.

Moving on.

There are certain stereotypes about tipping. Indian's will tip 10% or less. Asians (unless they are mob-type ballers) will tip 10% or less. Ghetto people will tip 10% or less. College students will tip 15% on the sale price. The people that say "you are the BEST server we've ever had, thank you so much" will tip less than 15%. All of these people we pay for time and time again so they can have their water with no ice, hot tea, and Corona with grenadine. It's not fair. These people are annoying, they are mean, and we PAY to serve them. WTF.

Of course there are exceptions, but as soon as you walk up to a table, you know. And later, when you pick up the checkbook, you just cringe at the thought of looking at the tip, because you lose your soul over and over again.

Tonight was just one of those nights.

I pulled a 14 hour shift. Many of my tables tipped less than 10%. One left and was like "OH MAN, GO GET YOUR TIP!" They left me 8%. And sadly, I knew they were going too. Another table paid and left 9%. They later asked me to call a cab. I asked them if they could hail one and the lady goes "they don't stop for us" (it was really sad - they were black). So I called the cab company I use, caught them a cab, and went outside to meet it and hold it for them. The lady gave me another $5 which brought their tip up to 18%. Thank goodness, because that was going above and beyond the call of a server.

All in all, I did pretty well considering how little work I did and how mean I was to most of my tables, but it was just one of those nights.

After work I ran to the neighboring bar to order the entire staff beers 5 minutes before last call. With 7 beer and 3 shots in front of me, I was faced with a $24.50 bill (yea, restaurant worker discount!!! They charged us for 3 beers and one shot) which we paid $55 for. I then caught a cab to ride the 6 blocks home since there have been many muggings in the area recently and I had more than a $100 cash on me. I gave the guy $10 for a $4 cab ride with the parting words...

"Next time you're at a restaurant, tip well."

With many thanks and a "be safe now, ya hear?" he drove away.

Remember - tip well. Those people are humans too - they have bad days, they have to pay bills too.

It's just good karma!!

Now, go out, have a drink, it's only Monday, but you may need it!

Motivation

2010-02-17T10:46:00.002-05:00

Yesterday in my management class, you know, the one that's my major, we watched a video from the 70s or 80s. Usually, I fall asleep, skip, and am utterly unprepared for class. I just can't care, and I'm smart, and being smart and apathetic is a very dangerous combination.

However, this video reminded my why I'm in school for entrepreneurship/business. It was Russell Ackoff talking about Bell Laboratories. Back in the '50s he was visiting a friend who was a section leader for Bell. The friend tried to call him to tell him not to come down for the day, but Ackoff ended up going to the office and following his friend to a huge meeting that revolutionized the way Bell Laboratories did business, and ALSO revolutionized the telephone.

The VP of the company decided to do an idealized re-design. Basically, he told everyone that the telephone system of the United States had been destroyed, and in the next year they would redesign it with only two restraints: it must be technically feasible and operationally viable.

And this guy, who didn't even work at Bell Labs helped develop the telephone as we know it in 1951. They developed push buttons, caller ID, hold functions, speaker phone, cell phones, everything. Everything we've seen in a phone and things we have yet to see in a phone, all developed in 1951.

This is something I can get excited about. Not telephones exactly, but helping do something that is so vital to everyone's life. Think about the creative aspects involved. The possibilities, the fun that business could be.

And the bragging rights.

I need some motivation to get through the next two terms. And I just found it.

Update: Life

2010-02-15T00:21:00.002-05:00

So, it's been a week, and a Valentine's Day, since I posted about THAT GUY. Ughhhh. This is why I hate posting about my personal life - everyone loves it, but everyone wants an update.

So here is how I spent V-day.

I made $123 at the restaurant being weeded (that means running around like a chicken with my head cut off) for 6 hours. Could've been worse, could've been better.

After that, I saw my best friend Pogo after his week-long cruise, and hung out with Liz for the remainder of V-day. Couldn't asked for a better one if I do say so myself. A little bit (or a lot) of rum later, I'm down for a blog update.

But I may be only able to say: I only like you when you give me cookies...

THAT GUY said no, but actions prove otherwise. I've had a wonderful happy six days otherwise, and I'm cool with continuing the non-relationship, as it were. Relationships freak me out anyways, and if I'm happy, then so be it!! Everyone should be happy.

Since then, I've been contemplating a hobby. I was going to start drawing people, but instead, me and a friend are gonna start a business. Too early to jinx it, but I'll let you in on details if it comes to fruition. First step in becoming a millionaire!!

Happy V-day. May everyone find love in friends, if not in lovers.

Different Sort of Culture

2010-02-13T11:45:00.003-05:00

As promised, stuff went down last night at the restaurant. My fellow busser got punched, an employee fell down the stairs, someone knocked the host stand over onto the stick-thin-pin of a hostess, and a general shit show ensued.

But, the most mind-blowing thing happened at the very beginning of my shift. Usually the stereotype of a Mexican restaurant is that there are immigrant Mexican workers somewhere, if not in the front of house staff, then hidden in the back as dishwashers and cooks. I don't buy it, Mexican people cooking Mexican food....

Anyway, this is not the case at Mad Mex. The front of house is almost completely Caucasian, there is one Mexican dishwasher, one dishwasher from another country (he hasn't learned enough English yet for us to get to know him, but he's really nice!), and the rest of the BOH (back of house for those that don't work in the service industry) staff are split 50-50 between ghetto and no-so-ghetto. Don't get me wrong, they're all really nice, but ghetto still.

I was grabbing ice and I hear the dishwasher Charles, and a line cook Jay talking. Charles has a crush on me, but he's at least 15 years older than me (haha, I know, hasn't stopped me before) and has fathered at least 3 kids with another on the way.

Anyway, Charles goes "oh man, I use a condom 'til I know the girl really well, like 3 or 4 months." Just let it sink in. 3 or 4 months. Know her. Really well. Enough to allow her to bug you for child support for the next 19 years. Or to give you the HIV. Or clamidia.

[Sidenote: Downside to using Google as a spell check - it now looks like I searched for clamidia]

Jay turned to me and was like "yo gurl, what about you?" I looked at him with a look of utter amazement and was like "NEVER." He goes "WHAT?!?!, NEVER?!?!?! You never use a condom?" "NOOOO, I ALWAYS DOOOO and ALWAYS WILL. NEVER WITHOUT ONE. I don't want no kids, and I don't want no diseases!!!"

I immediately left the kitchen, mortified and reeling in socioeconomic thoughts.

Can't wait to work again in 3 1/2 hours!